Boris Johnson’s criminal strategy turns out to be nothing more than a pile of mud | Stewart Lee

EEarlier this week, a pile of mud was abandoned at the western end of Oxford Street. Then some squares of grass got stuck on the mud. Then people were charged £ 8 to raise it. Visitor Emma Wright tweeted that climbing the mud was “the worst thing I’ve ever done in London.” However, I think Dr. Johnson wrote: “The woman who thinks climbing mud is the worst thing she’s ever done in London has never visited the women’s toilet at Crystal Palace Park, and I’m not.”

The purpose of mud is to promote Oxford Street with 17% of shops closed After March 2020. But in the long run, the best way to save the shop is to force Amazon to pay the appropriate taxes. That way, you can’t underestimate the shop. Getting people to pay £ 8 to raise mud doesn’t do this. UK Amazon products are delivered by UK drivers from UK Amazon warehouses to UK Amazon customers on UK roads, but sales of those products are handled in the loosely regulated Luxemburg. Is it a coincidence that its founder Jeff Bezos is urging Nasa to take charge of outer space as the net tightens on Amazon?

For example, the tax Bezos pays for transactions processed on the moon or distant planets could be legally considered by the financial exchange to have been done with the previous tax by the time the light reaches us. There is sex. Year? Can Bezos avoid international shipping charges for goods offered by the “Moon Fulfillment Center”? Will the same employment regulations, which give human warehouse staff a minimal but detrimental right, apply to staff enslaved from an as-yet-unknown alien race? Do bladderless aliens need expensive restroom breaks? Do we understand that aliens without the concept of time, if any, have to pay on an hourly basis? Can Bezos ultimately rule the entire universe, like Marvel Comics space nihilist Thanos? For Jeff Thanos, the mud on Oxford Street is just dust. He can leave the world and hope with the click of a finger.

But the mud pile on Oxford Street did the job. It made people talk. In that respect Boris Johnson Tuesday Criminal Strategy Announcement It was also a mountain of mud. Expect to see the criminal’s “chain gang of fluorescent jackets” proclaimed by the Prime Minister ringing my alarm clock soon. I consulted with the collective spirit of humankind. on second thoughts. About 65% of Google image search results for the word “chain gang” are detained black men, and 4% are convicted Mickey Mouse and some chained babies, with cheese theft and milk, respectively. Was spending time on concealment crimes.

Boris Johnson, of course, may have deliberately summoned racial hot potatoes here under the direction of the former, a leading figure in his cultural war. Sex Party Fixer Dougie Smith (It is understood that Smith may have been suppressed, but the government has been accused of the football racism they actively encouraged). Was the idea of ​​the chain gang announced to appeal to the horrifying Tory voters who later know that it needs to be quietly withdrawn, a classic strategy of the Boris Johnson government?

In The Daily TelegraphAn unnamed spokesman, Britain’s worst newspaper, quickly revealed that “chain gang” was just a “wording”, like “picaniny,” “watermelon smile,” and “boy in the ass.” Did. However, given that the Minister of Interior is hiding child immigrants, it may be permissible to think that there are plans to bind garbage picking. Ascension Island If lifeboat volunteers help foreigners drown, they are in the process of being considered a crime. If Priti Patel personally announced that he would go to Tar and Feather Shoplifter, that would seem plausible.

Shoe repair millionaire James Timpson On Twitter, he said he employs many former criminals, wearing shirts and ties instead of shackles and bright waistcoats. “Same people, different approaches, much better results”. Revolutionary Timpson becomes Minister of Interior while Priti Patel stands at the booth at Oxford Circus Subway Station and re-heels Topshop’s sling heels and burps.

Next, Boris Johnson’s drug crackdown learned to focus on London, Liverpool, Bristol, Newcastle, and Wakefield. But surely this should include Westminster itself. Deputy Magazine found cocaine Only four of the nine corners of Congress (mainly toilets) were accessible to passholders or their guests. It’s not just Michael Gove in the 1990s and young Boris Johnson who sneezes one ineffective nose.

Black Lives Matter wants to defend the police and invest in community resources instead to protect people from crime. The Conservatives have been doing Marxist work for them and have generally not funded police since 2010 (the number of officers has not yet recovered). But throwing away the mud of proclaiming these infeasible new laws and orders worked.Prime Minister authorized as Mayor of London £ 126,000 public funding (Of which £ 11,500 comes from a city hall-funded agency) To go to the pole dance businessman he was having sex with, the minister had a due process contract equivalent to millions of clones. It seems to have been awarded regularly without, but is continuously free from imprisonment. Like the Chinese thought criminals in the Cultural Revolution, trivial criminals are paraded in fluorescent jackets.

However, listening to a lecture on criminal activity from the Prime Minister is always enlightening. You can hear the Prime Minister agree to collude with a convicted scammer after a brief YouTube search. Beat journalists Based on the understanding that he remains anonymous. end. Well, after all I will climb that mud.

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Boris Johnson’s criminal strategy turns out to be nothing more than a pile of mud | Stewart Lee

Source link Boris Johnson’s criminal strategy turns out to be nothing more than a pile of mud | Stewart Lee

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