Milwaukee, Wisconsin 2021-06-16 13:34:50 –
I’m Art Kumbalek, man oh man manischewitz is the world, Aina? So listen, this summer solstice June 20th is a bad news / good news deal for me.Bad news: June 20th the firstIt’s not the end of summer, packed with heat, stupidity, rackets and bugs. suck. Good news: days get shorter as they say. That is, there are three more lunar rotations around the earth, falling with the sanity of the more civilized season. And it can’t come right away, I won’t make you a kid.
And June 20th is also what they call Father’s Day. And yes, if you’re lucky enough to see a flesh dear dad coming on Sunday, but you’re too cheap in the spring for a nice gift to an old flatulence, how do you tell him Would you like to bring a nice little story? So, here are the things you can use:
One day, during a correct grammar class, the teacher asked me to show my hand for someone who could use the word “beautiful” twice in the same sentence. First, she called a little Molly. He replied, “My dad bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Molly,” the teacher replied. She then called a little Stephen.
“My mom planned a beautiful banquet, and it became beautiful,” he said.
“Wonderful, Stephen!” Then the teacher called a little Leo.
“Last night at dinner, my sister told her father she was pregnant, and he said. It’s just beautiful!” Ba-ding!
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Or maybe this:
So this dad picks up his fifth grade son from school, and the kid comes to run with all sorts of excitement. “Dad, dad! What do you think? I participated in the class play!” Dad says, “That’s great, my son. What’s the part?” Kid said, “Playing with a guy who’s been married for about 20 years. You can do it! ” Dad says. Keep up the good work, and maybe someday they will give you a role to speak. ” Ba-ding!
Anyway, I’m tinkering with an essay this week for my summer blues. And the uptown tavern / charm school isn’t open yet, so go to my favorite web where a guy like me can quickly start bending over in preparation for the daily shit storm of the day I will. Come with me if you want, but you leave the tip, what an idiot. Alright, let’s go.
Bea: Hey, Artie, what is your joy?
Art: Hey Bee, what about the blackest, thickest, and cheapest nice cups you call regular coffee today? And thick, bee, I mean you have to stab a fork into it to tell if it was done. A type of coffee that you don’t know whether to add a little cream or gravy.
Bea: Lucky, Artie. I just took it out of the oven just before you entered.
Art: So what do you hear, what do you know, Bee?
Bea: A lovely couple stopped by for a rehearsal breakfast early. They will get married tomorrow.
Art: Yeah, June. It’s a great month for brides, limousine drivers, and their terrible DJs. This is one of the tips I got for young couples planning catering. Live music is perfect.
Bea: Indeed, it’s Artie.
Art: Anyway, good luck.Getting married is one thing, but it’s not that easy stay I got married like many years ago. Too many couples are not ready for the practical reality of the couple’s obligations to betray their marriage.
Bea: You may be right about it, Artie.
Art: Focking-A, Bea. I’m not an expert, but if my husband’s groom says “love, respect, obey” and “until we break up until death,” it may help reduce the divorce rate during the wedding vow. Maybe. “He had to say.
Bea: Certainly I couldn’t hurt.
Art: Hey Bee, how can you put on the oven mitt and fix another loaf of coffee to me?
Bea: You can, arty.
Art: Have you ever been married, Bee?
Bea: No arties, I can’t say I have one. So what about you?
Art: That would definitely be no, Bee. Not to mention a few, but in the future there are three possibilities-former Mrs. Art Kumbalex plunges, but the idea of marriage certainly gives a man fear of the Lord. Can, and I need something like that worse?
Bea: Artie, I couldn’t tell you.
Art: Cripes, I already have a fear of the IRS. Fear of coming up with another excuse for the landlord. Fear of running out of cigarettes when all stores are closed — I certainly don’t have to throw the Lord into that terrifying pot.
Bea: I do not think so.
Art: “Another reason I’ve never been married to Bee is that most women I know have pets or always want pets. That’s a risk to a successful marriage. It’s too expensive.
Bea: Really, Artie.
Art: You bet, Bee. Let me talk a little. This gal I know came out of a donut shop on her way to work one day when she saw the strangest funeral procession heading to the graveyard. In front of the procession was a long, black hearse, followed by a second hearse. Following the second hearse, there was a lonely woman in black dressed on a leash and walking her dog. Behind her, perhaps 200 women were walking in a row.
Bea: You don’t say
Art: So my gal friend went to the woman walking the dog and said, “I apologize for your loss, and I know it’s a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve ever done this. I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Who can I ask for? “And the dog woman says. “The first hearse is for my husband. My dog attacked and killed him.”
A friend said, “I’m sorry. But who is in the second hearse?” And the woman says, “When my mother-in-law turned her on, she was trying to help my husband.” For a while. Then my friend asked, “Can I borrow that dog?” And the new widow said, “line up.”
Bea: It’s not something.
Art: That’s it. Anyway, I have to run, Bee. Thank you for the coffee, and thank you for letting me bend your ears there, Bee, useful. See you next time.
Bea: My joy, arty. It’s always good to hear from you. take care.
(It’s aimed at up-down people, and if I meet you there, you’ll buy me one, because I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so .)