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How to help siblings get along better – Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 2021-04-08 07:34:00 –

Brotherhood rivals are often regarded as an unexamined fact of family life. It’s just as part of parenting as potty training and bedtime talk. But experts say parents don’t have to put up with quarrels and quarrels. Help brothers and sisters get along better, support their lives, and strengthen relationships that create more harmonious homes. “At least in the United States, it was part of our culture to think that brothers would fight. Often they wouldn’t work. That’s their behavior,” said Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology. Told. At Northeastern University in Boston. Unlike many of our relationships, we do not choose siblings, and this creates unique dynamics. According to Kramer, brothers and sisters can tolerate far more negative behaviors and behaviors that do not fly between friends. That is one of the reasons why sibling interactions are so important in development. These relationships allow children to experiment with new social and emotional behaviors, especially with respect to conflict, to learn how to manage emotions and to raise awareness of others’ thoughts and emotions. It is helpful for children to gain experience in a very safe relationship. You can work with your brothers and sisters to resolve conflicts and learn conflict management skills that you can use in other relationships in your life, “says Kramer. “Conflicts can be very constructive and useful. Children have a sense of who they are and their own identity.” Because these usually last the longest in our intimate relationship. It’s worth the time to help the children get along. That shared history can be really important in a crisis. So what steps do we need to take to help our brothers and sisters feud? Here are some ideas. One-on-one time It may sound counter-intuitive, but scheduling one-on-one time with your child on a regular basis is a good first move. “There are no winners or losers in this regard,” said family therapist Jonathan Caspi, a professor of family science and human development at Montclair State University in New Jersey. For other children (and it makes sense) it’s a more free relationship, one that can foster bonds and intimacy without interference, “he said in an email. To get things done, it’s important to praise your brothers who are working together and playing well. Parents are good and bad. Do you want to intervene or ignore it? Knowing whether to fight and intervene is difficult to deal with. In principle, Mr. Caspian said simple quarrels should be ignored. However, he emphasized that physical violence and the name calls that often precede it need to be cracked down. Calling a name is violence and opens the door to escalation to more serious violence. “Do not allow children to call each other cursed words or negative words such as” fat “,” stupid “,” nasty “. Physical wounds heal, but verbal wounds can last a lifetime. “Children under the age of eight usually don’t have the skills to manage conflicts,” Kramer said. “If the parents do nothing and do not intervene, the children will receive a message that they think that what you are doing is okay. It’s okay to continue with each other,” she says. I will. “We encourage parents to intervene to help their children manage their own conflicts.” For example, Kramer suggested saying something along the following line. I’ve heard some conflicts. I would like you to do your best together. According to Caspian, if you need help, I’m in the hallway, but let’s see what you can do for yourself. “Girls were thought to be more verbal aggression than boys, but research suggests that sisters are just as appropriate. Use physical violence as much as siblings.” The difference may be how serious physical violence is. Boys tend to do more damage, especially when they get older, “he said in an email. However, there is evidence that siblings use this approach as well. “What you shouldn’t do The danger of intervening or engaging in children’s disagreements is that they can backfire and fuel the fight. Parents intervene on behalf of younger children. According to Caspian, this makes older people more resentful and allows younger people to challenge older people more often. Toys. “” Another reason for the quarrel is many. Parents who make comparisons. Parents should avoid comparing their children. Children hear the comparisons and create more competition and fighting, “he said. It is also important to take your complaint seriously. For example, if a child consistently complains that “it’s not fair,” I find it particularly difficult to deal with my daughter. “When children complain about fairness, parents often dismiss it … it only confirms the feeling that they are outside the parent-child relationship. Acknowledge emotions and discuss it openly.” Said Mr. Caspian. Are you taking one side more than the other? If so, change it, “he said. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, both Caspi and Kramer said it was important for parents to relax themselves a bit and take care of their mental health. , And this can lead to more fights. “Currently, parents are stretched in so many different ways,” Kramer said.

Brotherhood rivals are often considered an unexamined fact of family life. As much as potty training and bedtime talk, it’s part of parenting.

But experts say parents don’t have to put up with quarrels or quarrels. There are strategies and techniques for brothers and sisters to get along better, support their lives, and strengthen relationships to create a more harmonious home.

“At least in the United States, it was part of our culture to think that brothers would fight. Often they wouldn’t work. That’s their behavior,” said Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology. Told. At Northeastern University in Boston.

Unlike many of our relationships, we do not choose siblings, and this creates unique dynamics. Brothers and sisters can withstand far more negatives and actions, not just flying between friends, Kramer said.

This is one of the reasons why sibling interactions are so important in development. These relationships allow children to try new social and emotional behaviors, especially with respect to conflict, and help them learn how to manage their emotions and raise awareness of others’ thoughts and emotions. ..

“Children gaining experience in very safe relationships with their brothers and sisters helps them overcome (conflicts) and learn conflict management skills that can be used in other relationships in life,” Kramer said. I did.

“Conflicts can be very constructive and helpful. It helps children understand who they are and their identities.”

These usually last the longest in our intimate relationships, so it’s worth spending time helping parents get along with their children. Its shared history can be very important in a crisis.

So what steps do we need to take to help our brothers and sisters feud? Here are some ideas.

One-on-one time

It may sound counterintuitive, but regular one-on-one schedules with your kids are a good first step.

Jonathan Caspi, a family therapist and professor of family science and human development at Montclair State University, said: University of New Jersey.

“For other children, we have the ability to praise and correct without an audience (and it makes no sense). It is a more free relationship and can foster bonds and intimacy without interference. “I will,” he said in an email.

Another tip: It’s fascinating to grab the moment they’re getting along to get things done, but when they’re working together and playing well, it’s important to take some time to admire the brothers. ..

Do you want to intervene or ignore it?

The hard part to deal with is fighting and knowing when to intervene. As a general rule, Caspi said simple flicker should be ignored.

However, he emphasized that physical violence and the name calls that often precede it should be cracked down.

“Because violence becomes more serious, it is important for parents to stop verbal violence before they become physical. The name call is violence, opening the door to escalation to more serious violence. . “

“Don’t let the kids call each other’s swearing words or negative words like” fat “,” stupid “, or” nasty “.

Kramer said children under the age of eight usually don’t have the skills to manage conflicts.

“What happens if parents do nothing and do not intervene? Children can receive a message that they think that what you are doing is okay. It’s okay to continue with each other. “She said.

“We encourage parents to intervene to help their children manage their own conflicts.”

For example, Kramer said: “I’ve heard some scratches. I’ve heard some conflicts. I want your two to resolve this together. If you need help I’ll” Corridor Let’s go down, but let’s see what we can do for ourselves. “

Girls were thought to use verbal aggression more than boys, according to Caspian, but studies show that sisters are as prone to use physical violence as siblings.

“The difference may be how serious physical violence is. Boys tend to do more damage, especially when they get older,” he said in an email. “It was also assumed that girls were more dependent on relational aggression (eg, socially humiliating, isolating, and reputation-damaging strategies) than boys, but brothers followed this approach in much the same way. There is evidence that it is used for. “

Something you can not do

The danger of intervening or engaging in children’s disagreements is that they can backfire and fuel the fight.

According to Caspian, parents tend to intervene on behalf of their younger children, which increases their resentment towards the elders and allows them to challenge them more often. Avoid phrases like “You’re bigger, like”. “Set a good example” or “She is small, give her a toy.”

“Another reason for the quarrel is parents who make many comparisons. Parents should avoid comparing their children. Children hear the comparisons, which creates more competition and fighting,” he said. Told.

It is also important to take your complaint seriously. For example, if a child consistently complains that it’s not fair, I find it particularly difficult to deal with my daughter.

“When children complain about fairness, parents often dismiss it … it only confirms the feeling that they are outside the parent-child relationship. Acknowledge emotions and discuss it openly. Please, “said Caspian.

“Parents need to observe how they intervene in their sibling conflict. Are you taking one side more than the other? If so, change that,” he said. Told.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, both Caspi and Kramer said it was important for parents to reduce their slack and take care of their mental health. Children can notice stress and tension, which can lead to more fights.

“Currently, parents are being stretched in so many different ways,” Kramer said.

How to help siblings get along better Source link How to help siblings get along better

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