Life Style

How to identify your core needs in a relationship

We all need to be loved and loved, so we start relationships. Thankful And safe. But these are not just the basic needs of each person in a romantic union. So what’s the rest of the precious things?

The problem is that we rarely formulate our core needs in a relationship because we have never thought about them. As a result, we start dating new people hoping they make us feel good, but that never happens.

To avoid another romantic disappointment, you need to start identifying the needs of your relationship. Having a clear structure of needs makes it much easier to get to the right partner instead of wasting time on dead-end relationships.

So how do you know what’s right for you? Please read to find out.

Core needs of the relationship: what are they?

Human needs can be divided into several types, such as physical, financial, and emotional. However, most of the relationships’ needs are psychological.

The basic ones are:

  • Affection (romantic gestures, words of love, and sex)
  • Respect (your opinion is important to others)
  • Gratitude (receive gratitude and praise)
  • Security (physical and emotional safety)
  • Loyalty (partners are loyal to each other)
  • Trust (transparency in all aspects of life)

You can also have a hierarchy of these concepts and decide which are basic and which are more or less flexible.

For example, trust royalty It’s your top priority and you want your partner to follow them. So if someone lies or cheats on you, it’s a blunder.

At the same time, you’re used to talking about your feelings, but don’t worry that your partner doesn’t share too much because they’re modest or shy.

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Basically, each person needs to determine their needs and find a partner with similar values.

Do basic relationship needs vary from person to person?

We all value love, passion, support, and other basic similarities for building lasting relationships. But are we just as grateful for them?

Obviously, the answer is no. Because different people have their own hierarchy of needs. That means that certain needs, such as raising a child, may not be as important to one person as the emotional comfort of the couple, but may be prioritized by another.

What does it depend on? Studies show that the distribution of values ​​is primarily age-dependent. However, there are other factors such as family traditions, culture, education, social circles, and personal characteristics.

Support and core Compassion It exists in everyone’s belief system about healthy relationships and its importance may vary from person to person.

How to determine the needs of your relationship?

Once you know your core needs, you can decide who you want to be involved with by consciously or unknowingly comparing your ability to meet the needs of others.

Without clear values, you can lose relationships and do things you don’t enjoy.

But don’t be afraid. The following techniques will help you get on the right track in determining your core needs.

1. Identify 5 ways to convey love

The Five Love Languages ​​are the concepts first explained by Dr. Gary Chapman in the 1990s. In essence, these are the ways we receive and express affection in our relationships.

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If you can convey your love, you can better understand your basic needs in a relationship.

There are five languages ​​that convey love:

  • Physical touch
  • Affirmative words
  • A fulfilling time
  • Receive a gift
  • Act of service

To find out which of them is your go-to language, choose one of the options below that is most important in your relationship. Each option corresponds to a list of previous love-expressing languages.

Most important to you:

  • Hold hands, walk down the street, hug, hug, kiss
  • When your partner praises you with words of love and compliments
  • Spend most of the night and weekend together
  • When your loved one often surprises you with gifts
  • Care and actual support, such as housework and bed breakfast support

The language that conveys each love can be translated into core needs. Physical touch is physical intimacy and sex. Affirmative words correspond to emotional support. Receiving a gift means caution. The act of service is done through help and support, and quality time means attachment.

2. Determine what makes you happy or crazy now

You can use simple exercises to understand that you are grateful or unable to stand in a relationship. Let’s start by identifying what you are enjoying.

Write “When I love you / When is wonderful” at least 10 to 15 times on a piece of paper. Then come up with the right ending. As an example, you can use current or past relationships. What you wrote is your needs.

If you can’t clearly define what’s most important to you in your relationships, try the opposite approach. It means pointing out qualities and behaviors that you consider unacceptable. Then, once again, take a piece of paper and write “when I can’t stand / hate it” several times to complete each sentence.

For example, suppose you write, “I don’t want my partner to leave a dirty dish in the sink.”it is you Evaluate tidying as a feature I want you and your loved ones to recognize cleaning as a rewarding job, not as a source of frustration.

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Add such phrases as you read through the list and remember something else. At this point, you can write as much as you like. Later, you will learn how to distinguish between basic and desirable but non-essential values.

3. Set the priority

Now, when you have a list of needs, it’s time to decide which is a necessity. You can have many standards and strive for perfection. But unfortunately, you won’t be able to find someone who meets all your requirements.

The following methods can help you narrow down your needs to five to seven important ones. So far, there are about 15 in the list in the previous chapter. So write your needs on a small piece of paper and put it in front of you on a table or other surface.

Now imagine you crossing a river. However, you need to leave one item to enter the bridge. What will happen? Repeat the same exercise until you have 5-7 things that you can’t imagine a romantic relationship with.Of course, that number could be higher Depending on your personality..

The final step is to sort the focused needs by importance. This is an effective way to first determine what you’re looking for in a relationship and then pass by if they don’t exist.

4. Discuss needs with your partner

Conversations are an effective way to check the compatibility of couples and see if they see things the same. In addition, it helps you compare your values ​​and boundaries and decide if you want to share them.

When do you need to start mentioning your core needs?Like having a child Pocket money Discussing on your first date is a bit tricky. Other things, such as vacation preferences, can always be safely talked about.

You usually have to wait for the 4th or 5th day. In the meantime, check the chemistry and emotional connection before discussing serious topics. Otherwise, there is no point in wasting time matching values.

Naturally, your partner disagrees with some things and their priorities. Many differences mean that this relationship is unlikely to be successful in the long run.

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But before deciding to break up, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Can your partner take the time to adapt to your beliefs?
  • If they can’t, can you bend your own rules?
  • Do you agree that this particular need goes beyond your current relationship?

If the first and second answers are “yes”, don’t rush to finish. There is still hope to find something in common.

5. Analyze your current relationship

If you are currently dating, you can analyze existing romantic relationships to determine what is important to you.

Ask yourself the following question and write down the answer.

The answers to these questions reveal your genuine opinion about the components of an ideal relationship.

Can core needs change over time?

Basic needs and values ​​change over time, despite their universal nature. It can occur gradually with age or naturally when a person is faced with a significant life event. Social media and advertising also have a significant impact, especially in young and middle age.

One of the interesting consequences of changing at least one value is that the other values ​​start changing accordingly. It does not occur in a day and usually takes a year or two. That means you will be another person with slightly different values ​​in 10 years or so.

So keep that in mind and check your needs from time to time.

The last word

Building a happy relationship begins with mutual empathy and continues and is strengthened if the couple has accurate core needs. Therefore, it is very important to identify them early on. It helps you get rid of the wrong partners and focus on finding the right people.

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Featured Photo Credits: Toa Heftiba via

How to identify your core needs in a relationship

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