Life Style

How to talk to teens and have a real conversation

When we embark on a parental journey, we worry about keeping our children safe, going through the roller coaster of thought and looking a little further. There’s a loop that we want to be able to offer to them, giving our kids what we wanted but couldn’t have. But there is also this persistent concern in our hearts about what happens when our children are teenagers. Do you remember Kevin, Perry, and the moment Kevin turned 13? Kevin went from this great kid on the spot to a monster who was always talking to his parents.

Remember yourself as a teenager. Was there a power struggle with your parents or was there mutual respect? The idea of ​​making our children respect us is usually behind our hearts while our children are young. Usually there is no problem. Outside the occasional tantrum, there are only rainbows and unicorns. Learning about respect is probably less important than learning to tie shoelaces, isn’t it? Hell, no!

In reality, respect is one of the most important values ​​a toddler can learn. It helps to build good friendships with other children in the neighborhood and at school. Learning to be a little more tolerant of the differences will make people better understand when your child does or does not behave as you would expect from them. Respect helps children focus more on the class. Most importantly, it allows you to build stronger relationships with your immediate family.

These are all the qualities we want our children to have, Leader qualities.. It’s great to teach respect for our children. But first, what is it and how do you teach children about respect?

What is respect?

Respect is a way of recognizing and assessing the rights, beliefs, practices, and differences of others. It’s not just about being tolerant of others. It’s an inner feeling about how you should treat others. It’s about what you should think about yourself. Recently, respect has become clearer from the idea that a pandemic respects the personal space of others.

When our children pay homage, they make better decisions and avoid things and people that hurt them. They are likely to take care of the gifts you bought for them. Most importantly, as they become teenagers, they are more likely to get respect from their parents than to demand it.

How do you teach your children about respect?

In my personal opinion, don’t outsource respect for others. As parents, we must take this responsibility. From an early age, there are many negative effects on a child’s attitude towards respect, such as a terrible role model in a movie like Frozen. In this film, Elsa is not responsible for managing her power, hurting her sister and the kingdom and avoiding respect throughout the story. So where do we start by teaching our children about respect?

1. Teach children about sharing

The first memory I learned of respect was when I was four years old. I made an incredible red trike. It’s an epic, has a custom design, has faster wheels, and has a decent steering lock. Then one day my dad took a trike and gave it to my nursery school. Used by other kids! It was a culture shock because it was one of my favorites, but now I had to share it. It took a while, but it was okay to share it because the cake that my dad shared gave me back.

Sharing is one of the best ways to teach children about respect. Our children learn that if we give a little to others, we can get some of what we want. Children see what their parents do. Do you give something like ketchup or share food at the dinner table? Or does everyone take their phone out, sit in a silo and quickly disperse? Supper tables are a great place to learn about sharing, but so are playing games with kids.

Playing games like Lego is a great way to introduce sharing and respect. If you’re building a simple and fun tower together and instead building your own world, you can add pieces to the building or swap pieces in turn.

2. Let the children answer for themselves

By the way, my job is a martial arts coach and it’s a fun job. I’ll talk about this soon, but I’d like to share some of the most common observations we see at the academy.

When children come to their first class, our children’s program may have children between the ages of 4 and 12. All coaches are interested in why children want to try classes and what parents want to learn from them. When we first meet our children, we drop to their height level. Because it is not respected to stand up and talk to young children.

Now we are at eye level. We smile and greet the child by name and ask questions like “Who is your favorite superhero?” You can build a little relationship before a big question. After just a few seconds, parents often intervene and answer them.

This can occur regardless of whether the child is 4 or 12 years old. To be honest with ourselves, we’ve probably done this someday with our kids and even our partners. It’s good intentions, but the problem is when we intervene.

We do not respect the children because we do not appreciate their opinions. It may only take some time to get a say in a new situation. We save children because we consider them shy or unconfident. But if we do a lot of this, we are stopping the flow of respect.

Struggle them, Make them think Show them some patience for themselves and to them. They don’t always reply, but you’ll be surprised to see them work harder than they don’t communicate in their preferred way.

The problem is that when we intervene for our children, two things can happen.

  • We say that their opinion has not been evaluated and / or;
  • We rescue socially unconfident (shy) children from unpleasant situations that prevent them from developing their future skills.

Instead of jumping in to do something for the kids or answer for them, let them answer, struggle, and think for themselves. You will be amazed at how their sense of personal importance grows. As children become more confident and capable, respect flows more freely, even in unpleasant situations.

The secret is not to do much with it, whether they speak or not. However, take some time to try it, and if there is no progress this time, continue. Maybe next time there will be progress as their confidence grows.

3. Role model Soapbox

Of all the ways we can teach respect, it is the most difficult to guide by setting an example. Let’s face it, we all think that our children “should do what I say, not what I do.” But it rarely works this way in life.

I remember taking her to a pub for lunch when my daughter was still using the high chair. We met my friend because my friend had some problems at home and wanted to catch up and chat. My daughter Hannah had lunch in the pub first, then I was served, and finally a friend called Dave. We were just about to start eating when Dave saw his food and hit the plate back with the waitress and shouted, “The order is wrong. Please fix it now.”

Dave was tired and stressed. That’s why we met. But it’s no excuse to be a poor role model with no empathy, respect, or self-control in front of Hannah. In this case, I felt I needed to apologize to the waitress, so so did Dave.

But like Dave, we are all grateful that there are times in our lives where everything goes wrong. It’s easy to say, “You should be calm, keep control, and show understanding to others.” But in reality, the actions we should take are easy to talk about, but difficult to put into practice. But we must show respect to our children and try to find energy to dig deeper into times when energy is needed to be patient.

Give your child a little patience

Often, when our children are behaving “abnormally”, they just forget or miss clues. Show correct behavior.. We’ve all been so absorbed in our work that we missed our name being called, or we got out of our instincts and got tired and replied. In this case, you may need a little patience with your children. It’s the right way to show respect for them. Ask good questions, especially if they are confused, rather than rushing to ask them to hear first. We are their parents, after all, they should do what they are told!

You will experience when your child says “I hate you” or “I wish you were not my mother or father”. You may hear this from your child when they are four years old. Do you remember the movie I was talking about? Children imitate what they see and hear. That doesn’t mean they just really meant the words they used. It is usually the intestinal reaction when angry. You can answer, “Why did you feel like this?” They will usually feel better and get a more useful response than when you use “Go to your room now!”.

Therefore, setting an example is more than a role model. It also shows that we respect and treat our children as people, rather than having full control over them to find patience. This sounds like a daunting task, so it may be okay to outsource a bit of respect to the children.

A little outsourcing may be good

I said that respect for education should not be outsourced, but some activities can make a big difference. Yes, I am inconsistent with myself and trying to talk about martial arts. Speaking of martial arts, men in white pajamas often bow, kneel, and patiently listen to the teacher’s “teacher.”

Many martial arts clubs have moved to T-shirts and jogging-style trousers, but have maintained rituals that help build respect and personality. Martial arts have many routines that are the best habits for children to learn. This helps children learn about respect.

Training with a partner can also help you improve yourself. It teaches your child that they are responsible for their uniforms, training equipment, and even the academy. All students will help clean the training mats, clean up the equipment after each activity, and quietly pay attention. These are great life lessons that teach your child respect.

Only three ways to teach respect? Is that all you have to do?

We all know that it helps children to be more successful and happy in their lives, so we want to teach them about respect. There is no age too early to start learning. Sharing is an approach that you can start at a young age, but it’s also okay to assess the needs of your child. So if you have a favorite toy and don’t want to share it, this is fine as long as you share it overall.

Then let your child answer for himself. To be honest, this is the most difficult, as silence can be unpleasant, but you have to be patient and let them answer for you. This small activity makes a big difference in the long run, and children get better as they grow up confidently.

Finally, there is a “role model soap box”. They have so much respect for their parents that it probably has the strongest impact on our children at an early age. If you feel moody and tired, practice a little patiently. If something goes wrong, you may need to apologize.

You can always outsource some of your child’s learning to great activities like martial arts. If you follow this route, look for a club that has a character development program. The lessons of respect prove to be more direct, as well as implied by traditions and rituals. My final opinion about teaching children about respect is that if you have children who are strong visual and auditory learners, they will try to take advantage of them. Sesame Street has some great video lessons on useful topics.

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Featured Photo Credits: Adrià Crehuet

How to talk to teens and have a real conversation

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