My mother died. The three daughters share a power of attorney and are the co-executors of her trust.
As the youngest daughter, I worked full-time and was my mother’s primary caregiver for eight years. I managed her life, meals, toilet visits, medicine, medical appointments and other activities, including dialysis. He managed her finances, including taxes and investments, and was involved in the past when she regained thousands of dollars for her mother due to bad commerce.
In 2013, when I was first given the POA, it upset my sister, but I decided to share responsibility, and even hired a lawyer to formally draft a trust. Did. We were all present during this conversation. A few years later, my sister came down to visit her mom twice a year (sometimes less) and did nothing to contribute to her care.
“My conscience is good for me, and I want to be transparent about being a co-owner of this savings account.”
My mother received pensions and social security benefits, so there was also a way to hire a full-time caregiver on the day I worked for at least two years (40 hours a week). I oversaw all her care during the night, even when I was on vacation with her. Long-term care cost quite a lot and would have run out of my mother’s finances. My mother also wanted to stay home and take care of her.
I felt it was unfair to inherit the house from my father (stepfather) who died in 2013 to soothe my sisters, so I decided not to inherit part of my mother’s investment and pension.
My mother got angry with this and asked me to become a co-owner of her savings account in 2013 after we met her lawyer. Since then, I have taken care of her in our home and managed her finances responsibly. And it has been of great interest for many years.
Now that my mother has died, I will discuss her important property. Most of the beneficiaries of the account are my sisters. However, this excludes joint savings accounts that contain large amounts of liquid cash.
“Nursing care was quite expensive and would have run out of my mother’s finances. My mother also wanted to stay home and take care of her.”
My conscience is good for me and I want to be transparent about being a co-owner of this savings account. However, they have little participation in the care and financial support of our mom, so they do not feel they are entitled to the money in it.
All of us had POAs, but they didn’t help much, so it’s irrelevant now anyway. However, my sister is also listed as a beneficiary of Death Payment (POD). I want to divide her property fairly and distribute the amount each sister receives.
Am I obliged to inform them about this joint savings account? I have already informed her that she has passed banking, social security, her credit card company, and her retirement pension. As a co-owner, I can access her account through survivorship.
How should we discuss “fair” distribution with our sisters? They will come down in a week and a half to attend her funeral. The day after the funeral, and before they leave, I will have this conversation with them. We are hearty, and I am intimate with one sister, but it can be hairy when finances and elevated emotions are involved.
Suffering from mother’s loss and inheritance guilt
Moneyist:My sister became my late father’s power of attorney, took a reverse mortgage at his house and ran out of his capital. what can I do?
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Dear sadness and guilt,
This money was your mother’s gift to you. That was her way of saying “thank you”.
If you are transparent about all of your mother’s finances, you seem to feel better. Of course, the joint bank account and its contents are technically your finances, so you are not obliged to tell them about it. However, if they find this account and ask a question, it can appear to be hiding something, even if there is nothing to hide. It is not given because this account does not have to pass the verification at all.
When you are faced with a difficult situation, I always think that the easiest way to get through it is to tell the truth as frankly as you need, without slander or fear. I will. Your sister may shrug and say “fair enough.” Or they may shout fouls. It is no exaggeration to say that at least one of your siblings will raise eyebrows with the amount in this account if your father has trouble leaving your home. You have no obligation to tell them.
What if they feel pain? tough. Please say aloud after me. They have had enough time to help your mom for the past eight years, and I’m sure there was a reason they couldn’t be there. The beneficiary at the time of death inherits money from the joint account only if the last owner dies, so even if he loses his sister, if he chooses, he will spend all the last dime in that account. Is not obliged to do anything. After all, it’s your money to spend as you like.
Moneyist:My wife and I have three children. I also have three children from my previous marriage. How do you need to divide your house among these six children?
If you feel good talking to them, that’s fine, but don’t let them feel guilty about splitting this money between them. “My mother made me a co-owner of her bank account. I am very grateful that she did so.” Ask yourself. Do you feel guilty (shouldn’t) have this account, or are you afraid of the reaction if your sister learns about it from you or someone else? Knowing the source of your anxiety to help free you from such fears will help.
If you decide not to tell them, it’s okay. Ask your lawyer first. There is no right or wrong ethical answer to this question.You have to do what you feel is right for you, but make sure you do it The right reason. Do not act or act out of fear or guilt Absent Act out of fear and guilt. Do what your most confident and comfortable self will do. Whistle to the bank without saying anything, or say something and whistle quietly through the sister’s possible protests.
Both methods fully support The Moneyist.
Quentin Fottrell is a Moneyist columnist at MarketWatch. You can email financial and ethical questions to The Moneyist at email@example.com... By emailing your question, you agree to publish it anonymously on MarketWatch.
I was taken care of by my deceased mother for eight years. Am I obliged to tell my sister that she made me a substantial co-owner of a bank account?
Source link I was taken care of by my deceased mother for eight years. Am I obliged to tell my sister that she made me a substantial co-owner of a bank account?