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Introversion and extroversion: family feud

My husband has long had a stronger desire for socialization than I do. This was our semi-frequent clash before the pandemic reported during the quarantine because no one could go anywhere. It came out in a small way because we worked in the same confined space (my husband likes to chat at work; I like burying my face in a computer in a quiet room I like it), but most of my tastes have won.

Now that we are back in the world, the conflict is back, and I understand that it extends to our children as well. Our little kid looks like my husband, but our eldest daughter is like me. She and I don’t mind meeting people, but sometimes we need to get used to socializing and always need downtime to charge. More extroverted pairs require less recharging and can be available indefinitely. Not all of us are introverted or extroverted, but there is tension in trying to understand family activities.

When I started talking to experts about how to navigate the differences, the first thing I learned was that not everyone agrees with the definitions of “introversion” and “extroversion.” When assessing yourself, it is essential to define the terms. Family dynamics. Kenneth RubinA professor of human development at the University of Maryland, who has been studying social withdrawal for decades, “people are” shy, “” introverted, “” loneliness, “and” social anxiety. ” ”And other terms. Put them in one big box, though they are all quite different in reality. “

Shy is a social company and modest. For preschoolers, shyness is based on fear of the unknown, Dr. Rubin said. For older children and adults, it is based on the fear of being judged. Social unrest is “Steroid shyness, “As Melinda Wener Moyer put it in a guide on how to deal with shy children. “It’s a diagnostic disorder characterized by fear of being seen and judged by others, and it lasts so violently that it disrupts our daily lives,” she writes.

Introversion is a preference for loneliness and is sometimes defined as losing energy from a social situation while extroversion is gaining energy from the social situation. “I really like energy as a shorthand to talk about everything,” said Susan Cain, author of “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.” “I tell people to imagine themselves in a company they really enjoy and think about how they feel in a couple of hours. As an extrovert, you I hope the party will continue. No matter how introverted and socially skilled, the battery starts to feel exhausted and needs to be recharged. ”This definition sympathized with me. .. After about two hours of dating, the switch is like flipping inside me, and people need to take a break, even if it’s only five minutes quietly staring at the phone in the bathroom.

So how do you determine if your family is shy or introverted and, socially speaking, ensure that everyone has what they need? Is not it. Here are some tips.

Understand the preferences of each family. For children, start by observing them as they interact with others. If they’re worried or confused in the playground (no matter how long you’ve been there, they’re always sticking around instead of jumping into the fight), they may be shy. Said Dr. Rubin. Like my eldest daughter, they need a lot of calming to get out of the house, but if they enjoy engagement after participating in an activity, they can be introverted.

If you’re an adult, ask yourself this question, Cain said. “Imagine having no social, family or professional obligations throughout the weekend. How do you spend your time?” The answer is that you really enjoy socializing and which Only reveal if you feel obliged.

It may seem obvious to try to understand the nature and tastes of everyone through observation and discussion, but “it’s not at all obvious,” Cain said. “Most families have unspoken and unfulfilled expectations about what the right path is,” she said. Therefore, if you are an extroverted family introvert, or vice versa, your needs can be overlooked or misunderstood.

Discuss your plans in advance. Christine Nicolini, an assistant professor of journalism at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh, says it is imperative that families discuss weekend activities and have everyone give their opinions. Papers on the dynamics of introversion and family communicationYou might agree to do two sociable things on Saturday, but schedule downtime between the play date and the barbecue.

According to Dr. Nicolini, it is also worth paying attention to family dynamics when socializing. Extroverted families can invite more introverted siblings and spouses into the conversation so they feel they are included, she said.

Divide and rule. Cain says that by doing a variety of activities to satisfy introversion and extroversion, we may be able to provide everyone with what they need. My husband may take my daughter to her favorite park, but my eldest daughter and I are at home putting and reading books. Everyone is happy. When we are a couple, my husband meets friends after the kids go to bed while I’m at home watching TV and folding the laundry. We both have the best lives.

That does not mean that we always avoid conflict. Leisure is a zero-sum game, especially when going out together without children. I prefer to spend this leisure time alone with us, but he prefers to spend it with a larger group.

Sometimes we compromise by going out for dinner alone and meeting friends later. Sometimes I go home in front of my husband, but it’s a little frustrating. Oddly enough, the pandemic has brought me back to these old frustrations. Like an old blanket with scratches, I think they are comforting. I am very happy to be able to go out with you again.

Introversion and extroversion: family feud

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