Over the last few decades, many couples have wondered if it would be wise to live together before marriage. This was so unusual that it wasn’t something people had to think about generations ago. But today it is becoming more and more popular and accepted. However, there are many things to think about before living together.
First, we need to consider each other’s intentions and have the same idea about it. In other words, do you live together in the same house to see if they are compatible? Do you live together because one or both of you are avoiding (or procrastinating) marriage? If so, why are you doing this?
Ideally, you should have a long and honest discussion about why one or both of you want to live together without getting married. Perhaps one of you wants the other to get married, but the other doesn’t. Or, one has a specific timeline for getting married, the other doesn’t. Or, some people think that this is just a serious relationship and they don’t think much about marriage.
It is very important to have this conversation. Because if you are out of sync with your intentions, you will have problems in the future. However, for the purposes of this article, let’s assume that both know that the ultimate goal is marriage. Marriage is not all kinds of marriage, but hopefully a loving, happy and healthy marriage.
Is cohabitation before marriage good or bad?
Let’s look at the advantages and disadvantages of living together before marriage.
1. Financial sharing
This may be one of the most common reasons to live together before marriage. please think about it. Most serious couples live together anyway. They keep their clothes and other personal belongings in one person’s home and may be in more places than they are at home. So, in that case, it makes sense to stop paying for two different rents and mortgages, two different utilities and cable TV.
This is definitely a benefit of living together, Smart for moneyIt’s very appealing to want to spend the extra money you’ve saved without knowing where you’ve spent it. A better idea is to save money from other households and invest in your future together.
2. Get married and have less stress
Living with anyone can be stressful. It doesn’t matter if it’s your own parents, siblings, or children. Living in the same place 24 hours a day, 7 days a week can make everyone nervous. It’s just a fact of life.
But when you’re on a date or in a serious relationship, it takes much less time to get to know someone’s habits. When dating for the first time, it’s easy to go unnoticed or overlook some of your partner’s nasty habits. You may think it’s cute. But over time, what you thought was okay can sometimes stimulate your nerves.
Imagine a crisis in your head when you never lived together before you got married and then moved together. You might think, “This person doesn’t wash the dishes, which can frustrate me.”
If you live together before marriage, you will be less surprised because you will live with your eyes wide open.
3. Become more intimate and build stronger bonds
Intimacy is very important in any relationship, but especially in marriage. But I said “Intimacy, “I don’t just mean physical / sexual or emotional intimacy. In fact, intellectual, mental, empirical, will, and many other just as important. There is a kind of intimacy.
Let’s talk about the intimacy of the will. This kind is about the promises that two people make to each other. For example, if you decide to buy a house, a car, and a dog together, it means that you are committed to each other (whether you are married or not). Living together represents that kind of intimacy.
When a couple has all these types of intimacy at the same time, it’s when the relationship is strong. Therefore, living together helps to “test” and verify that these intimacy can be created and maintained before marriage. If so, it will strengthen your bond and give you more confidence in your marriage.
1. Others may not approve
Everyone has an opinion on everything. And most people love to let you know what it is, whether you ask or not. That said, doing something without the approval of family and friends is very It can be difficult. Religion often interferes with your loved ones. Many people look down on people who have lived together before marriage.
For example, many Catholics do not admit it. So perhaps one or both of you have grown up in a family that always attends church and follows the teachings of the church very closely. If you decide to deviate from the spiritual guidelines, your family will be very angry.
If both family and friends are against moving in, that’s a bad thing. But even if one of your families doesn’t agree and the other family agrees, it can still cause problems. A partner with a close family may not understand why the other family is not close.
In extreme situations, this can cause people to lose relationships with family and friends. So before you decide to live with us, you need to think seriously.
2. Lack of support can weaken your relationship
Living with a partner, whether married or not, is a big decision. Well, living with someone other than yourself is not always easy. Sure, having a roommate reduces loneliness, but it also comes with a lot of difficulties.
So without the support of your social system, it will probably affect your relationship. There may be stress and resentment between the two. It may or may not be spoken, and it may not be particularly relevant to the two, but external influences can cause conflict in any case. There is.
Living with anyone can sometimes be a challenge in itself. If you had a roommate before, you would understand what I was saying. As a result, without a proper support system, you and your partner can endanger your relationship by creating new challenges that you and your partner have not yet addressed.
3. You can save money, but it can weaken your bond
When you are single or just live alone, you are completely Manage your financesNo one knows if you can or cannot spend money. But when you live with a loved one, that can change.
Of course, you may still have separate bank accounts, but you will share costs, such as how to pay rent / mortgage, who pays groceries and utilities, etc. Decisions need to be addressed and opinions may differ on how to do so.
Then there are external and / or personal spending issues. Perhaps one of you is a “spender” and the other is a “saver”. If the person who spends money thinks it is irresponsible, the person who spends money will get angry.
For example, one of you might think it’s a good idea to buy $ 200 clothes for fun, and the other thinks it’s a ridiculous decision. Or maybe one person wants to spend $ 300 to cook gourmet food, while the other thinks it’s a waste of money. These differences in spending money can cause many problems between couples.
Is living together before marriage useful for a later marriage?
Most people want a definitive answer to this question, but believe it or not, research on this topic is mixed. Older studies in the 1960s, 70s, and 80s found that couples living together before marriage were more likely to divorce. However, living together has not been as socially acceptable as it is today. More recent studies haven’t shown the exact same statistics, but the differences aren’t all that surprising.
Other studies suggest that the divorce rate of cohabiting people is not necessarily related to the actual “cohabitation” part of the equation. Survey results show that there are many divorce factors other than cohabitation.
For example, the age of cohabitation is important. In general, the older you are, the more likely you are to have a long-lasting marriage. Other factors include personality traits such as the ability to commit. In other words, people who live together before marriage may not place more emphasis on serious, legal or religious commitments than those who do not live together.
Given the above, after all, there is no clear and clear answer as to whether it is beneficial to live together before marriage. It really depends on the people as individuals and the whole unique couple.
After all, it is up to the two of us to decide whether to live together before marriage. As you can see, there is no clear right or wrong answer. It’s a decision as unique as the couple itself.
So whatever you decide, make sure you and your partner have an important conversation about it. Do your best and believe that everything goes the way you want.
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Is cohabitation before marriage good or bad?
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