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“It’s not a matter of love, it’s a matter of feminism.”: I’m pregnant at the age of 32 and have a 6-digit job. Should I marry my boyfriend?

Dear Moneyist,

I’m a 32-year-old woman and have been dating a nice man since April. We are in love very much.

I found out that I was pregnant just about a week ago. It wasn’t planned, but I’m excited despite the shock. I’ve decided that I don’t have to rush to the altar yet, but have you personally wanted to get married?

It’s not a matter of love, it’s a matter of feminism. Given the long history of marriage and its previous and / or current use for oppressing and controlling women, I’m not sure if I agree with it.

As for my partner, I love him and want to be with him. The reverse is also true. We are committed. He is more traditional than me. He doesn’t put pressure on me, but I think he wants to get married someday.

Moneyist: My husband earned less than me for 10 years, so I paid more for our expenses.I want him to repay

But I realized that it wasn’t just for me anymore. I know that marrying a child has advantages beyond romantic promises. Taxes, legal protection, beneficiary’s, later social security, etc.

Can you help me weigh the pros and cons of getting married and staying unmarried? In context, I have stock options, investments, etc. in addition to 6 digit income.

My partner still understands his career, but he is good at money, has a solid savings account and is in debt. He doesn’t have as stable or well-paid jobs as I do so far.

The idea of ​​being a earner doesn’t bother me as long as he’s pulling the weight he’s ever had.

Become an unmarried mom

Dear unmarried,

You are categorizing your finances: reducing living expenses, reducing overall tax bill submissions as a couple, protecting against capital gains taxes, and for one of you losing a job or a dramatic reduction in income. Economic slings and arrows in case of suffering, and — this may not be a big priority for you given your salary — the ability to buy a house together (you own 50/50, I should add). You no longer need single room supplements while traveling. And amen!

That said, anything you earn during a marriage or purchase is likely to end up as a community / marriage property, and divorce is an expensive proposal. For those who experience it, it’s like 2008 and 2020.

I have other questions. Want more kids with this guy? Does he have the qualities you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? (It’s a long time.) Does he bring out the best of you? Small problems can become big problems later. Divorced people often say the same thing. “I saw the red flag and thought I could change him / her.”

Yes, marriage changed a lot in the last century, but you are right that it is an institution that has permeated the history of oppression. The legal promotion of criminalizing rape in marriage began in earnest in the 1970s. Unmarried women should have a credit card or bank account until the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974 prohibits discrimination based on race, color, religion, country of origin, gender, marital status, or age of margin trading. May be rejected.

Moneyist: My wife and I live with a dying mother. My brother and I inherit her home. Should I ask her to sell it — and move with me?

Studies show that most divorces are initiated by women, and men have doubled the amount of housework over the last half century, yet women are still burdened with doing most of it. They are also more likely to take career breaks and suffer financial implications than men.

So what is my advice to you? Don’t rush to make a decision. Having a baby is not the only reason to get married, nor is it the reason for deciding to get married within the next 12 months. I couldn’t count the number of women who realized that the women who broke up with their husbands made a lot of parenting decisions and sacrifices. ..

Please take your time. You are young and you are finding your feet in the world. Coparenting is a great way to find out how you work together as a partner or parent, as well as your boyfriend or girlfriend. You also need to manage your budget and make sacrifices to adapt to your new life as a parent. We will learn a lot from each other and learn a lot about each other in the next few years. In addition, we will continue to grow and evolve as a person. For all of us, that is hope.

You can email The Moneyist financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com.

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