Kansas City

Keep Them Coming: Polyamory in the pandemic – Kansas City, Missouri

Kansas City, Missouri 2021-09-20 09:00:55 –

Kristen Thomas. // Photo by Nicole Bissy

If you are loyal, you have a chance pitch Readers, you’ve probably heard of polyamory. It doesn’t have to be. While pop culture is raising awareness around polyamory, monogamous people are rarely exposed to couples in their lifestyles. 6.5% report that they knew someone (Moors, Gesselman, Garcia, March 2021) who was or was practicing some form of consensus non-monogamy. .. That makes sense because about 4-5% of our population is currently in a CNM, or consensual, unmanaged relationship (Rubin et al, 2014).

Polyamory is often distinguished from open or swing relationships in that open dates / swings are primarily about sexual relationships, while the former involve emotional connections. All three are under the consensual non-monogamy. A study published by the Moors in March 2021 found that 17% of single Americans wanted or were interested in a polyamory relationship. As a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist, I know that my curiosity about polyamory is growing. This can be especially true for people in the middle of the Kinsey scale. The Kinsey scale is a graph that measures sexual orientation and its changes over time.

I was more interested in how COVID-19 influenced the choices, lifestyles and options of Polyamory people than I saw in the office. Was the polycurr, a group of people connected through a non-monogamous relationship based on consensus, stable or fragile because they were always together during the quarantine? .. Did they adjust and find their scaffolding? Are they dating safely or are they spreading the virus? I had conversations with some Poly individuals to find the answer.

After all, the pandemic has given many people the opportunity to explore poly-relationships while being surprisingly safe.

Sara “Miss Conception” Glass is an activist and artist from Kansas City who has lived in a nudist colony for over a year. She has some poly-related experience in the past and at the beginning of 2020 she is ready to dive in and see if she and her guys can make it work for them. I decided that. Finding the right partner was primarily her job, and her location was easily rented out to meet potential like-minded partners.

Glass says she, her key partner, and other partners involved had an open discussion about who they were with to keep everyone safe. During and after the quarantine, there was very open communication about testing STI and COVID before interacting with new partners.

The relationship didn’t work, and although she’s currently single, she feels her experience has provided an important lesson about transparent conversation beyond illness and safety. She’s skipping the app for now — “Bumble was a mistake,” says Glass — and she’s still only focusing on seeing who she meets in person. That is, she lives in a nudist colony!

[Editorial Note: Names in some of the following sections are replaced with letters to protect individuals’ identities.]

J and his wife E were dating another couple C and L for the first year of the blockade. They had children and had already been gradually explaining polyamory long before March 2020. With the children of J and E, the two couples had a family dinner and a mini vacation. C and L bought a house close to J and E before the pandemic.

“”[The kids] I knew something was happening, “says J. “‘Someone said,’ Dad is taking a nap with C! What’s happening?” J told the kids, “You can love more than one person at a time and to others. They all participated after explaining, “I will not spoil my love.” They decided to move to one house and keep the other as a date sanctuary. This polyamory relationship is called the “kitchen table structure” and serves as one large family for all adults to undertake parenting and household chores.

For long-term polycures, the pandemic did have an impact.

Ray Margo is a long-term practitioner of polyamory and the owner of Sinsual Steel, a business that manufactures high-quality, affordable BDSM implementations. He lives in Kansas City with two nesting partners, partners who share a home, and continues to have long-distance relationships.

The pandemic was especially serious for Margo and his 10-year long-distance relationship. She lives in Iowa and they usually meet each other at conventions like Kinky College, or where he was selling Sinsual Steel products. She is now taking the time to stay with Margo and his two nesting partners over the weekend instead.

At the same time, this time was not easy for the people of the Margo family. One of his nesting partners and Margo himself suffers from a lack of access to the communities they traditionally relied on for support and socialization.

“We are pretty sociable people,” Margo says of his relationship with his nesting partner. “There were no dungeons or social gatherings to go to. Being trapped, everything can be really stressful.”

One of my friends, B, describes her marriage as “monogamish.” Her long-term partner was a good match in a way, but since last spring the intensity of staying at home has given her her relationship and what she wanted for a long-term marriage. Made me think deeply about.

“It’s harder to spend time with the side guys,” says B. “The kids were at home and I couldn’t leave. I didn’t stop by after a work meeting.” After reflecting on her disappointment about her secondary relationship, B Finished it with her boyfriend, and her main relationship is now thriving.

“When I had a lot of time to think and think about the spread of the pandemic, I realized I was trying to find something I didn’t make at home somewhere,” says B. “I was able to give my partner my energy.”

Mark Athens is a local kink educator in the leather community, teaches playing with fire and is part of Polycure. Before the pandemic, they played regularly with other partners. When the quarantine began, they closed their polycures and kept it that way ever since.

Everyone in Athens’ Polycures, including those owned by his partners Puppy and Athens (a term for a 24/7 master / slave relationship), are all indispensable workers. They said that even if there was a time to truly judge whether polyamory was suitable for them, it is now.

The pandemic made them realize that they had to work as a team to maintain their household budget. Even those who hook a pack of toilet paper after work have become important to plan all the details.

“Polyculture has this person as a hookup, but people aren’t looking at teamwork,” Athens points out. Puppy agreed, “The pandemic has shown us that there is nothing we can’t do together.”

I like to think about life in terms of continuum and spectrum. Most are not binary or all-or-nothing. What I’ve heard from people across the spectrum of relationship styles is that last half last year gave them gifts in unexpected ways. Whatever the relationship structure, the priorities have surfaced. Polyamory, like other styles of dating, works for some people and not for others. This is a powerful and healthy model for raising children, running a family and exploring tastes. And those who are trying to expand their love life with polyamory in this second wave of pandemics should receive it from these people.

Don’t forget to exercise, meditate, and masturbate! —XOXO Kristen

You can find Kristen twitter Also openthedoorscoaching.com.. Check out her podcast, Keep them going, On the pitch podcast network!

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