Oklahoma City

Manhood — from the inside out — part 28 — Heroic – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 2021-09-17 21:00:00 –

Polar Sophia Shonauer, LCSW, continues to make continuous memoirs. If you haven’t read the first half of this series yet, follow the links at the bottom of this page.


“Everyone loves heroes, especially dead heroes.”
Paula Sophia Poetry, Best Price


Before Achilles died heroically, he lived another life. It’s a life you can’t expect from a legendary warrior. The Sea Fairy or the Goddess of Water, Thetis, is Achilles’ mother and knows the prophecies that her son will die prematurely if he fights in the Trojan War. Thetis takes precautions to dispel the prophecies, dipping Achilles head-on into the Styx River and holding him on his heels. This will prevent you from getting injured except to hurt your heels. Another option for Thetis is to transform Achilles into a maiden and take her to the court of King Lycomedes, who is famous for raising beautiful girls. Tethys says Lucoma Dace Achilles is trained as an Amazon and needs to be refined with feminine qualities to attract her husband.

I first read this story in Edith Hamilton’s mythology when I was in 5th or 6th grade. And even for a while, I was envious of Achilles becoming a girl. Of course, Odysseus and Diomedes trick Achilles into revealing themselves when disguised as a merchant selling their goods in Skyros. Achilles goes to the table with weapons, armor and shields, while all other maidens are drawn to the table with perfumes, cosmetics and jewelry. He wields his sword and reveals his true nature. In doing so, he accepts his destiny, embarks on a journey to glory and early death, and achieves immortality only through his reputation as a legendary hero.

This story has become a model for my life, as myths tend to do so. The fight with Tommy gave me a taste of power, and through this power I began to aspire to heroism. I wanted to be bigger than life, or at least someone with unquestionable masculinity. I imagined premature death. I knew that it was better to remember dead and lovingly than to be full of old and corrupt secrets.

POLA Sophia (provided)

Still, I couldn’t help wondering about Achilles. What if he had a long and peaceful life? Did he live as a woman? These thoughts made me crave for peace and femininity, but it seemed impossible. If I were to be a woman, how can I have love, and without love, how can I get peace? Thus, the birth of my spiritual duality, which has plagued my entire life.

It wasn’t hard to find a reinforcement of my desire.

There were many stories of movies, books and magazines about men who denied the honor their father received from his victory in World War II when the United States began to tackle the effects of the Vietnam War and its disgraceful end. Vietnamese veterans experienced a slimy and hostile return and faced a crisis of trust in the US government after the fall of Saigon. A man in my family shook his head as to why he was bleeding and saw his brother’s warrior die in hills, swamps, villages and cities throughout Vietnam, but a sailor took a helicopter from an aircraft. Weeping when pushed out, I saw their efforts in vain. Aircraft carrier to the South China Sea.

According to his book James William Gibson Post-Vietnam Warrior dreams, violence, and masculinity in America, American culture has shifted to complaints and revenge. This is a declaration to the government that did not allow victory because of its trivial politics and empty attitude. From one movie to the next, a maverick antihero who lived according to his own norms emerged, despising weakness, bureaucracy, and blind loyalty to dishonest leaders. Some of these anti-heroic stories have spawned new myths, and we know their names 40 to 50 years later: Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry,) painted by Clint Eastwood. 1971), Paul Kersey (Death Wish, 1974) by Charles Bronson, John Lambo by Sylvester Stallone (1982), William by Mel Gibson (1995) Wallace and many others.

Curiously, these films allow men to be separated from women and femininity and tolerate perceived perpetrators and them, either by self-defense, dedication to war, or by the unjust death of a spouse or loved one. He has shown that he is completely allowed to commit horrific violence to those who do. These films made violence look transformative, heroic, and spiritual. I wanted such recognition, acceptance of peers, and perhaps some of the legends. Above all, I wanted to be a warrior of Christ. Although Washington fought and died for God and the country, not a country of overlapping politics, the real America was founded and fought by real men, heroic men, and men of God.

One movie captured my imagination more than another. Rocky, a boxing epic starring Sylvester Stallone. The film won an Academy Award for Best Picture and launched a film franchise that exists to this day. It’s interesting to note that now the main opponent is the black man who represents America in boxing shorts with the American flag, and he seems to be the embodiment of tyranny and power that has plagued white men for nearly 20 years. I think. He was New America in the year of the 200th anniversary. Rocky, this underrated pug is worn-out and dignified, crouching into the loan shark business and finally stepping into the ring with Apollo Creed, giving him the heartbeat of his life.

Throughout the battle, Rocky wins the crowd, transforms from a street fighter to a hero, and wins his love and honor, even if he loses the battle in a sad split decision. I cried when I first saw the movie in the fall of 1976, but I still cry when I watch it over and over again. I remember the fight, the affirmation from my father, and the vision that helped me win the honor in my neighborhood. The masculinity that eased my gender identity.

To be honest, I wasn’t good at dividing my life. Like the Hebrews following the clouds and pillars of fire, I danced vaguely as I marched through the desert of identity, where the flag of masculinity burned in front of me.

Inevitably, I would wonder who he might have been if he hadn’t gone to war, and eventually I’m a vague portrayal of Achilles in Iliad, a brother trained in battle. Learn about his dedication to Patroclus beyond the affinity of love. His quianeness makes me sad. Because he had to be killed in battle to achieve his honor.

I picked up a sword in Michael Douty’s backyard that day, then wielded it for decades, stumbling upon life and trying to be the right boy, the good guy. Appears dead, clean and protected. As long as I have undergone that miraculous transformation through the violence of justice, heroism, and remembering well, whether I will achieve this position in death or in my life It didn’t matter.


Author’s note: As I continue the story of my life, I would like to explore the great pressure I have experienced of being sexually aggressive towards girls and women. The upcoming Volume 2 explores adolescent and young adult journeys that had a great deal of sympathy for girls and women, but were forced to see them and treat them as things. I often experienced exclusion from many formative male activities because I could not match these demands to the satisfaction of my male peers. From time to time, when I gained access, it was often conditional on harassing me and allowing suspicious behavior among my male cohorts that tested my sexuality. It was a lonely time.


The previous segments are:


Manhood — from the inside out — part 28 — Heroic Source link Manhood — from the inside out — part 28 — Heroic

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