2020-10-17 01:51:58 –
Dear Abbey: My family and I bought a nice, quiet and safe neighborhood house three years ago. What we didn’t know before we moved was that our neighbors could smoke.
It rains here for eight months of the year, and it’s usually fine with the windows closed. But during the summer I like to open the windows and sleep. When our neighbor goes out in search of cigarettes, smoke flows into our bedroom.
At first I thought I didn’t realize that the smoke was annoying us because our house is separated by a small garden. Eventually I started to get upset. When I wake up in the middle of the night and use the bathroom, it smells. I decided to close the window out loud, hoping that the window would stop. There is no way they can’t hear the noise, but it doesn’t stop them.
You don’t have to keep the windows closed as it’s not an everyday thing. It happens once a week or so and always late at night or early in the morning. I don’t know how this deals with insomnia or what the deal is. Why are they still smoking in this era?
They own their own home, so there is no landlord to complain about. Over the years, we have never introduced ourselves to each other. I don’t think they want to know us more than they want to know us. For this reason, confronting them is not an option. What do we do? — I hate Oregon smoke
Dear Hatred: Your letter shows the disadvantages of isolationism. If you (or they) emphasized introducing yourself when you moved in, you probably didn’t need to write to me now.
Closing your windows is not a friendly and efficient way of communicating, as these people don’t care about your readers. You should go next door, introduce yourself, explain the problem politely, and ask if you can smoke on the other side of the house away from the bedroom window. If you can’t do that, please write a letter (be polite in your communication) and help us resolve this issue.
Dear Abbey: I’ve been with the same man for 22 years and have been married for 16 years. We live in a small town. In the last four or five years, everything has become about my husband’s politics. I’m not at all interested in hearing what’s happening politically in big cities or anywhere. How can I stop him from continuing to read and listen? So far, I haven’t succeeded, and we’ll be discussing. Should I be interested in it for him? Is there room for compromise? — Don’t show me in Missouri
Dear Prohibition: To some extent, you need to allow your husband to vent. We are in an important election year, so we never escape the subject. If you listen, you may learn something you didn’t know that might be relevant to you. It limits listening time, but it is not advisable to cut him off. I’m willing to bet that you sometimes bring up a subject that may not be appealing to him either. Tolerance and willingness to compromise are two components of a healthy marriage.
Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact DearAbby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.