Kansas City, Missouri 2021-03-04 11:10:56 –
Dear Dan: I’m at a loss. I am devastated. I found out that my husband was sexting with another woman. This woman is his first cousin as if it wasn’t bad enough! And this has been going on for years!
Gives time to recover from a chin fall.
Well, now the background. We have been married for nearly 30 years. Not all of our relationships are wine and roses, but we were counseled many years ago and decided to grow older together. We have similar interests and love to spend time together. It’s not the same when one of us is gone. Our sex life was never “off the chart” and yes, this was one of our main problems. He wanted a lot of sex, and I was almost unsatisfied. I came to believe he was happy too, and he accepted that spending his life with me long ago meant that this was the case. And I sincerely believed that our marriage was monogamous. Now I know that I was the only one who was monogamous.
Any woman other than his cousin could handle this! I wish I was someone else! I feel trapped! I feel like I can’t talk to anyone! All I can think of is how tired and disappointed my kids in their twenties and his family would be if they knew it. This cousin had many ups and downs. And many years ago, when my children were small, I noticed a flirting behavior between her and my husband. I confronted him and demanded to know what was happening! I thought this was the end! I was wrong!
On my husband’s iPad, I found a blatant chat with a “visual” request. I went to my husband and asked if they had ever physically gathered. He said no to me. A few days later, we were on our way to a big family event, and this cousin was supposed to be there. As I stood next to him, he called her and left a message not to invite her. She called him, he answered with a speaker, and I greeted and then asked her if she had sex with my husband. She sounded surprised and was surprised, but she said no. I’m trying to move to a new location to retire! So what? !! ??
Insane News: Cousin Erotic Sexting Trouble!
Dear incest: Your husband didn’t fuck his cousin-or as he says-but even if he fucks his cousin, incest, it’s not incest. Don’t get me wrong. Most people think their cousin is shit and get kicked out. And since cousin shit is, in fact, adjacent to incest, most people can’t distinguish it from real incest. But do you know what distinguishes incest from cousin shit? law. Cousin marriage is not legal in all US states, but it is legal in almost all states.They are also legal And It is legally recognized in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, the EU, Russia, etc. And since people are expected to have sexual intercourse with the people they marry, incest, it seems that cousin couples, even the first cousin couple, are not legally considered incest. Mark Antony, Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein all married their cousins. Actress Greta Scacchi married her first cousin.
Your husband’s cousin says she isn’t fucking your husband. This seems to be one of the cases where even if you think you are lying, you should take what you are told at face value and avoid looking for evidence that may be inconsistent.
Your marriage is still monogamous … if you define it as narrow and flirtatious. I think it happens that everyone needs to define cheating narrowly. Incest. The narrower the couple defines affair, that is, the less “counted” as affair, the more likely the couple will maintain monogamy over the decades. Conversely, the more things a couple defines as affair, the less likely incest is that their marriage will remain monogamous for years. So … if you still want to consider your marriage monogamous … don’t define sexting as cheating, and you’re clear.
Your husband has always been a more sexual person in marriage, and obviously still. He loves you and wants to be with you, so he made his peace with less sex than he might have liked in the last 30 years. But he apparently needed an outlet, something to masturbate, and someone in his life that made him feel desirable. And if he was trying to exchange obscene sex with someone to meet those needs, maybe … maybe … he had better do it with this woman than anyone else. Incest, as bad as one might think, the adjoining nature of this connection’s incest was some kind of insurance policy. He didn’t want to be public with it, as being made public in this relationship would have kept your husband away from his children and resented his extended family. She wasn’t the ideal choice and her cousin wasn’t my choice, but she wasn’t the one your husband could or could leave you, right?
Your kids are probably tired of knowing that their father is exchanging sex with someone, incest, and even more tired of knowing that their father is exchanging sex with their cousin. Will do. So don’t tell them.
Your husband doesn’t go anywhere. You can still spend time with him, you can still retire with him, you can still grow old with him. And do you know how you didn’t think about what he was jacking off? Did you come back before you came across those explicit chats? Well, with a little effort and maybe edible cannabis or two … or three … or four … you don’t think about what your husband might be looking at when he jacks off. You can go back.
Your family shouldn’t get together for a “big event” in the middle of a pandemic — unless you don’t want to live long enough to retire. Personally, I didn’t care who my husband exchanged dirty text with, but for now, he doesn’t want to exchange viral aerosol droplets with anyone, INCEST. Also, droplets should not be exchanged with extended families. Therefore, if you want to avoid this cousin for the time being without telling your adult child or family what is happening, cancel all family gatherings, large or small, until everyone is vaccinated. ..
Dear Dan: My brother is a 34 year old gay man who got out of a really terrible relationship about 6 months ago. Less than a month later, he met a lovely new 26-year-old man, and things seemed really great. They spent Valentine’s Day together and posted cute pictures on social media. Ten days later, the man abandoned my brother. He’s incredibly mature about it, and he says they think they’re best friends but lacks something and he doesn’t want to connect my brother. My brother is beyond devastation and this is the first time he has been abandoned when he loved it at the age of 34. I’m trying to help him and help him get over the pain, but he’s really a wreck about it. To be honest, I first experienced this pain when I was 15 or 16 years old and have been living with my current partner for 14 years. Do you think there is any difference in how you experience your first broken heart in your 30s and teens?
Help brothers in turmoil
Dear habits: Your brother got into a rebound relationship and was abandoned — it’s terrible and terrible, it hurts, habits, but it always happens and people get over it. Your brother needs some time to feel sorry for himself and some of his friends leaning against him. Listen to him and encourage him to pity and resent him until the end of March, for example, and then stop being stunned and (safely) return to it.
Dear Dan: In last week’s column, you responded to a gay man, Ghost, whose inability to achieve an erection was a turn-off for him and also an ego destroyer. I wanted to add my point of view to your wonderful reply. Lack of hard-on doesn’t mean that ghosts need to be driven only by the service providers! You can ejaculate if you stimulate enough! I have type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure (both have improved from my health care) and until recently I was taking a lot of treatments for bipolar disorder. This resulted in a loss of erection and libido. But I have an incredibly loving partner and I haven’t been in the way to ensure that I reach orgasm and ejaculate. Dan, such a very fulfilling orgasm is perfectly possible! In fact, a friend who had his prostate removed talked about this topic, saying so for him! And my erection is back with my libido as I have been working on both mental and physical health. Perhaps it’s something GHOST can also work on? And I want him to know that at the age of 57, he’s having the best sex in his life, even though it’s not hard enough to penetrate anyone now. I will. But who knows? Perhaps by the age of 60, I will shake violently again!
It doesn’t have to be hard to come!
Dear NNTBBTC: Thank you for sharing, NNTBBTC!
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My husband has been sexting his first cousin Source link My husband has been sexting his first cousin