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I had cancer when my children were young.This is what Kate needs to know | Marina McIntyre

TThe summer before last, I left my family in France for the holidays and was preparing to return to England. My children, ages 7 and 4, clung tightly to me, their faces pale and serious. But they were too scared to protest, and they would have done so if I had left it to a babysitter for the evening. Everyone knew there was something wrong with me and that I was heading into the unknown.

About 8 weeks ago my face was swollen and swollen. Then the neck followed, and eventually the entire upper body. I felt strange, faint, and could barely stay awake. I was 39 years old.

The day before I left for that holiday, an ultrasound revealed a large, creepy mass half-hidden behind my ribs. The sonographer said he couldn't see through the bones, but needed a quick scan that could. The NHS has promised that a cancer test will be carried out on him within two weeks. This is a surprisingly short period of time between actually being tested and finding out if a person is alive or dead. We decided to go on vacation rather than spend two weeks waiting for her at home. It would be fun and distracting. And there was another reason. Because I suddenly felt that I had to create wonderful memories for my children. I looked really weird, but I wanted to take lots of pictures of me instead of being behind the camera like I usually do.

During our quiet time, my husband and I tried to think ahead. If I was about to die, would I have to write cards for all my future children's birthdays? Was there anything I could have left behind to make things better for them? But we all know that there is nothing “better than this” when you lose your mother. I kept thinking about interviews I've read with people like: eddie izzard and marco pierre whiteThe experience left a scar that will never heal. When my children were babies, I tried to escape from parenting by reading all the books on parenting. mess them upand here I was trying to do it anyway, and in the worst possible way.

I got a call and took an early flight home.It turns out that I have some kind of non-hodgkin lymphoma, and that large mass, about the size of a mug, had almost completely blocked the veins that flow from my upper body to my heart. I spent a total of eight weeks in the hospital that fall. There were six rounds of chemotherapy, each with a six-day hospital stay, and four emergency admissions. But I was lucky. A year and a half later, I'm not only in remission, but 100% healthy and here I am. Thanks to this treatment, my menopause started earlier and all my previously straight hair fell out and my curls returned. Otherwise you would never know it happened.

Princess of Wales hasn't said anything. what kind of cancer does she have, and that's not our job. But in a video message, she suggested the prognosis was good. I hope that in a year or two from now, she, like me, will look back with horror and ask herself, “Did that actually happen to me?” Masu. I still wonder how much of an impact it had on my children. Most of the time they appear completely unharmed. I don't know otherwise.

a macmillan volunteer gave us two unexpected pieces of great advice about talking to children about cancer. It's about helping children understand that cancer is not their fault, and helping them understand that they can't get cancer. It seems that these problems are common, but adults are not aware of them. Another good advice from a local psychotherapist was to engage the children in some active activity. Going through a potentially traumatic situation is even worse when you feel like a helpless passenger. It wasn't easy – we were all pretty helpless – but Macmillan sponsored walk It gave them a sense of making a difference.

Aside from the horror of cancer, there isn't much you can learn after getting cancer. But it helps you focus on what's important. Now that I have my life back – maybe even decades of it – I am wondering what to do. Kate probably has to put up with more garbage than most of us, especially in recent weeks. As tough as everything about this experience is, I hope it brings her some comforting clarity about what actually matters.

Marina McIntyre is deputy audience editor at the Guardian

  • Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? Email your answer of up to 300 words to be considered for inclusion on our website. letter section please click here.

Summarize this content to 100 words TThe summer before last, I left my family in France for the holidays and was preparing to return to England. My children, ages 7 and 4, clung tightly to me, their faces pale and serious. But they were too scared to protest, and they would have done so if I had left it to a babysitter for the evening. Everyone knew there was something wrong with me and that I was heading into the unknown.About 8 weeks ago my face was swollen and swollen. Then the neck followed, and eventually the entire upper body. I felt strange, faint, and could barely stay awake. I was 39 years old.The day before I left for that holiday, an ultrasound revealed a large, creepy mass half-hidden behind my ribs. The sonographer said he couldn't see through the bones, but needed a quick scan that could. The NHS has promised that a cancer test will be carried out on him within two weeks. This is a surprisingly short period of time between actually being tested and finding out if a person is alive or dead. We decided to go on vacation rather than spend two weeks waiting for her at home. It would be fun and distracting. And there was another reason. Because I suddenly felt that I had to create wonderful memories for my children. I looked really weird, but I wanted to take lots of pictures of me instead of being behind the camera like I usually do.During our quiet time, my husband and I tried to think ahead. If I was about to die, would I have to write cards for all my future children's birthdays? Was there anything I could have left behind to make things better for them? But we all know that there is nothing “better than this” when you lose your mother. I kept thinking about interviews I've read with people like: eddie izzard and marco pierre whiteThe experience left a scar that will never heal. When my children were babies, I tried to escape from parenting by reading all the books on parenting. mess them upand here I was trying to do it anyway, and in the worst possible way.I got a call and took an early flight home.It turns out that I have some kind of non-hodgkin lymphoma, and that large mass, about the size of a mug, had almost completely blocked the veins that flow from my upper body to my heart. I spent a total of eight weeks in the hospital that fall. There were six rounds of chemotherapy, each with a six-day hospital stay, and four emergency admissions. But I was lucky. A year and a half later, I'm not only in remission, but 100% healthy and here I am. Thanks to this treatment, my menopause started earlier and all my previously straight hair fell out and my curls returned. Otherwise you would never know it happened.Princess of Wales hasn't said anything. what kind of cancer does she have, and that's not our job. But in a video message, she suggested the prognosis was good. I hope that in a year or two from now, she, like me, will look back with horror and ask herself, “Did that actually happen to me?” Masu. I still wonder how much of an impact it had on my children. Most of the time they appear completely unharmed. I don't know otherwise.a macmillan volunteer gave us two unexpected pieces of great advice about talking to children about cancer. It's about helping children understand that cancer is not their fault, and helping them understand that they can't get cancer. It seems that these problems are common, but adults are not aware of them. Another good advice from a local psychotherapist was to engage the children in some active activity. Going through a potentially traumatic situation is even worse when you feel like a helpless passenger. It wasn't easy – we were all pretty helpless – but Macmillan sponsored walk It gave them a sense of making a difference.Aside from the horror of cancer, there isn't much you can learn after getting cancer. But it helps you focus on what's important. Now that I have my life back – maybe even decades of it – I am wondering what to do. Kate probably has to put up with more garbage than most of us, especially in recent weeks. As tough as everything about this experience is, I hope it brings her some comforting clarity about what actually matters. Marina McIntyre is deputy audience editor at the Guardian
Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? Email your answer of up to 300 words to be considered for inclusion on our website. letter section please click here.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/mar/25/cancer-children-kate-princess-of-wales I had cancer when my children were young.This is what Kate needs to know | Marina McIntyre

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