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Our first kid is due, and I’m already in the clutch of the baby and industry complex | Alwa Mahadawi

A tits. bed. Maybe a bottle? In my wife’s early pregnancy, I simply thought that was all I really needed for a newborn baby. After all, all they do is eat, poop, sleep, and repeat. You don’t need complex equipment weapons to deal with it, right?

Wrong. Our first child is about to give birth, and despite our best efforts to escape the evil clutch of the baby-industry complex, our little New York apartment is full of weird stuff. Reader, I have a nose sucker. It’s not a euphemism-it’s the real thing you use to suck mucus out of your child’s nose. I asked a friend with a child: Do I really need this? She showed me how many parents have given me lately. It looks like you’re saying, “Damn, you really don’t know what you’re doing.”

I’m not just the owner of a nose sucker.I was disappointed to say that I am a person who knows too much Snoo.. Snoo is a $ 1,495 (£ 1,145) artificial intelligence bassinet that uses algorithms to react to baby turmoil and rock it back to sleep. “You absolutely need snooze,” some people told me. “It’s a huge waste of money,” others said. It’s like marmite for baby products. Much more expensive hell.

Raising a child may require a little more than breasts and a bed, but you don’t need an AI-powered crib to be a good parent.Probably in Finland The happiest country in the world, New parents are sent home from hospital due to government issues Cardboard box For the baby to sleep. (In the United States Miserable parents of the western world, According to a 2016 survey, you came home from the hospital. Huge invoice.. Nevertheless, being a pregnant parent means being struck by ads that drive you to feel guilty about spending money unnecessarily.For example, we recently had newborn umbilical cord blood Private bank In case she develops a condition that can be treated with her stem cells. It’s very unlikely that this will happen, but what if? If you don’t cough, your child’s life doesn’t bother you. The whole thing feels predatory and unpleasant. In particular, it is much better to donate the cord blood to a public bank, so you are more likely to help someone.

It’s not just expensive cribs and weird blood banks that spin your head. It’s infinite. Conflicting baby advice.. If you don’t stick to strict routines, you’ll be a monster! Don’t stick to the schedule. Otherwise, you will have neurosis. If you let your child scream it, they turn into sociopaths who can’t form safe attachments! If you don’t let them shout it, they never learn how to become independent!

For a moment I thought I should enter the baby advice business myself. It was like a lucrative career move. At some point, I tried intrauterine sleep training and then decided to patent my amazing technique. Anyway, after playing the same song next to my partner’s stomach for about 5 days at bedtime, I got tired of it. Then I thought I would teach the multiplication table to the child while she was still in the womb. The plan failed when I was scared to realize that I wasn’t sure if I remembered all my multiplication tables. Now I have decided that the best I can do to prepare as a parent is not to worry too much – and perhaps brush up my multiplication table.

Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist.

Our first kid is due, and I’m already in the clutch of the baby and industry complex | Alwa Mahadawi

Source link Our first kid is due, and I’m already in the clutch of the baby and industry complex | Alwa Mahadawi

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