Kansas City, Missouri 2021-08-05 09:00:50 –
I’m a 24-year-old gay man and I have a 31-year-old bi-boyfriend. I knew he had much more sexual experience than I did since we got together, but it wasn’t a big deal until now. This weekend he met my parents for what we thought was the first time. But during his “Big Biz Rat Phase” (in his words) 10 years ago, it turned out that they had 3P. We realize that no one did anything wrong — they were three agreed adults — and not everyone knew that he and I would be together in the future. But also my boyfriend committed my parents! I regret, he regrets, they regret, and I may never see my parents again. Help me find a way to get over this!
I knew he was blonde
I’ve been writing Savage Love for nearly 30 years — this September will be 30 years — and I rarely receive letters that surprise me anymore. But after reading your letter today … and then after 6 hours in a dark room with a cold washcloth on my eyes … I noticed a few things.
First of all, I can still be amazed. Thank you. Second, if you have a couple in their 40s and a child in their teens at home, you may be in a threesome with a man in your 20s. Also, some couples are difficult to quantify, but nonetheless, the risk is immeasurable as the child grows up. I met him and got shit, and my parents even fell in love with one of the guys who was doing 3P that day. Third, I helped a couple in their 40s with their kids create a world with MMF 3Ps with a bisexual guy in their 20s, so IKHWIB, This is all my fault Oh my god What I did can you forgive me?
That said, IKHWIB, do you know who thinks this should be considered? Former Mayor of Minneapolis.
“If they can laugh about this, it’s a good sign,” said Betsy Hodges, the mayor of Minneapolis from 2014 to 2018. His parents are having sex. It’s hard to navigate, but laughter helps. “
It may seem random that the former mayor of Minneapolis is giving you sex advice, but Hodges contacted me after posting your letter on Twitter. I will carry out your letter in my column, even if I don’t have the most subtle thoughts about what to say to you. Betsy Hodges, on the other hand, knew exactly what to say.
“He has to ask himself if his boyfriend deserves it,” Hodges said. “Everything really depends on the strength of their connection — it must be weighed against any tension currently existing between IKHWIB, his boyfriend, and his parents. Can you get over that tension? If one of them feels sick (rather than regrets) about what happened, has no motivation to do this, and doesn’t have the tools to do it, this Turns sideways. ”Honorable Betsy Hodges suggests that the four are discussing what happened and what they want to do in the future.
“I think it’s scary, but that conversation can actually make you less likely to think about this,” Hodges says. NS. “
IKHWIB, you can laugh until you faint, but if you don’t suck your boyfriend’s cock without thinking that your dad sucks your boyfriend’s cock, you may not be able to overcome this. If you can’t see your mother without thinking of sitting on your boyfriend’s face, you may not be able to overcome this. If you can’t load your boyfriend without considering the load he put on your dad, mom, or both (21 years old has high stamina and a short refractory period) You may not be able to overcome this. As Hodges said, you may not think much about this.
It’s doubtful that there’s a memory hole big enough to stuff this in there and tight enough to prevent it from quickly reverting, but IKHWIB, maybe your parents already know how it is Shows you what will happen to. When I came out to my mother’s IKHWIB, she was around the person I was dating because of the unwelcome spiritual image that bothered her when she saw me with her boyfriend I really had a hard time being there. She could see my sister and her boyfriend without portraying her little girl sucking that boy’s cock, but she somehow sodomized her little boy that I couldn’t see my boyfriend without portraying the barbarians. Some very nasty conversations, some vocalizations, and yes, some before succeeding in stopping reminding me of the spiritual image that my mom gets my ass fucked I needed a laugh. Maybe for a while, with some nasty conversations, and a little laugh, you can wipe out all those unwelcome spiritual images of your boyfriend who will rail your parents from your heart. can make it, right.
What I mean is whether gay and straight kids can pretend they don’t know what they know, that is, grown-up kids are now sexually active adults. Whether there is, and whether they can learn not to torture themselves with our unwelcome spiritual image, our shit fucking partner, IKHWIB, we have their It seems to me that we should be able to do the same for: Recognizing that our parents are sexual beings, and at the same time erasing all unwelcome spiritual images from our hearts. increase. I think your lift is a lot heavier than most other lifts, but if your boyfriend is worth it, IKHWIB, at least you should give it a try.
PS Perhaps this poem by poet Philip Larkin will help you get things in sight …
They mess up you, your mom and dad.
They may not intend to do so, but they do.
They fill you with the shortcomings they had
And add some extras just for you.
You are not the first person to have parents … well, don’t say your parents messed you up. Instead, let’s say you’re not the first person whose parents were a little extra. Good luck.
Follow Betsy Hodges on Twitter @ Betsy Hodges.
I am a woman in her twenties. I have a great connection with my partner, we communicate well, and sex is the best in my life. Only one gets in the way. My partner and I started going out six months ago, shortly after the relatively short but very intense relationship ended. I have been with my previous partner for about a year. We were in deep love, but eventually broke up because he moved to another country. I love my current partner and want him in my life, but I find it difficult to commit. I think what’s hindering me is that I don’t have time to handle the end of the previous relationship. This feels like it’s preventing me from getting my new partner completely, as my ex still occupies space in my mind. I let go of my original idea (we haven’t talked for half a year) and want to open it up to my new partner, but I feel the talk with my ex is incomplete, so It was difficult. what do I do?
Worried hurriedly confused Klutz
You may always feel regret because your previous partner ended up for reasons other than your control and either of him-and for the record, if your new relationship ends, you’re yours There is no guarantee that you will not feel any regrets about your current partner. Maybe. (That is, it’s only 6 months. If you ask me, I’ll throw a “partner” soon. You did too.) But for reasons you and your ex are out of control, your last relationship is Did you really finish? If he had no choice but to move to another country, and / or if you had no way to go with him, it’s okay, then the end was out of your control and his control. But if he chooses to stay and not, WHACK, or if you choose to go with him and not, well, it doesn’t end because of your uncontrollable situation. did. Focusing on it may help you overcome the somewhat paralyzed regrets you are currently feeling, remembering that positive choices have been made to end the relationship. And if that doesn’t work, WHACK, probably the best sex you’ve ever experienced, will work.
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