Kansas City

surprise herpes and reluctant monogamy – Kansas City, Missouri

Kansas City, Missouri 2021-06-17 09:00:15 –

Graphics by Jack Layback

Dear Dan: We are a happy couple from Europe, a longtime reader in their thirties, and sometimes interested in having sex with others. Prior to the pandemic, we were invited to a private sex party in the major European capitals. It was an age- and face-controlled Swinger’s Night with a background check of all participants. It was our first experience and it was stunningly amazing and very sexy, even though we were shy and not fooled by others. But we promised to go back and explore further. After that, COVID-19 occurred and I could not travel. I decided to interact with other people locally. We had amazing 3Ps and 4Ps, and it all worked tremendously, from the part where we get herpes from another couple. The other couple didn’t know they had it or didn’t mind disclosing it. In my study, herpes was not as common as in the United States and was very disappointing, but after educating myself and taking medicine, I decided to stay connected with others. I believe it’s the right thing to do, so tell everyone in advance. Some cut us off, some don’t care, some admit that they also have it, that’s why they admitted it without us first “cleaning up” I always leave us doubts.

We’re still part of the online community that hosted that great party, where things are happening and they’re starting to plan their next event. I want to go back. My question is: can we? What should we do? Should I tell everyone about herpes? Or is it the risk you take in an orgy involving more than 50 people? We read a lot about infections and sometimes know that skin-to-skin contact is sufficient. We also know that you may not be aware of herpes. That is, other participants may already have herpes and do not know it. So what is the right thing to do? Should we abandon this orgy for the rest of our lives? Do you take virus suppressants that weekend and have sex with as many people as possible without worry?

I really wonder about the explicit disclosure after the pandemic

PS I’ve found some advice online on this issue from Betty Dodson, written in 2009, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Dear exchange: Hmm. Invited swapping parties with “age and face controlled” background checks (ie no old man *, no ugly **) will also ask prospective attendees some questions about sexual health. If the organizer of this party does not require you to disclose that you have herpes or other sexually transmitted infections-they are implementing safer sex protocols that minimize the risk of infection, and / Or because they assume very correctly that they are having sex up to the age of fifty. One night strangers already have herpes or at least want to take it as an opportunity.

Do not confuse “I don’t think you need to” with “I don’t think you should”. I think you should disclose — you should continue to disclose — and if disclosure hurt you from your guest list, SWAPPED, you are other people in other major European capitals There are other opportunities to have sexual intercourse with. That is, you were disclosing to a local couple and didn’t want the opportunity exactly, even during a pandemic. (People who weren’t worried about catching COVID-19 during a pandemic were probably not over yet, but probably weren’t too worried about catching herpes.) Yes, ghosts after you disclosed Some couples gave, but not as many or more scared. And a ghostly couple? Some people already have herpes and don’t know it. HPV is also replaced because both of these very common STIs are easily transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. Those who want to avoid getting them should have multiple, or perhaps all, sex partners, given how common these infections are and how easily they can be transmitted. There is none. Also, those who participate in the orgy, that is, those who have sexual activity, undergo regular STI screening, are treated for treatable STI, and have sex (or sex) if they are symptomatic or infectious. You need to refrain from attending the party. (And anyone can and should be vaccinated with the HPV vaccine, a drug that reduces the frequency and intensity of herpes and reduces the chances of transmitting herpes to others. Can be taken.)

And what you have to disclose is my official position, but like you, I think it’s right to disclose, so my informal position is with 50 strangers in the European capital. Anyone who has sex, whether major or minor, volunteered for herpes.

PS Slow and great Betty Dodson wasn’t meant to chop words. Not only did Dodson tell the herpes couple that they didn’t need to disclose it unless asked in the column SWAPPED found, but they didn’t tell their partner that they had herpes until the relationship was 10 years old. I also shared that. .. (“”Orgy guilty because we didn’t share that we have herpes, “July 7, 2009). “I hate how our society turned herpes into a sexually transmitted disease,” Dodson wrote. “My first outbreak of genital herpes was in the 70’s. If there was no herpes at the time, that meant you weren’t having sex. It’s like a badge of sexual abundance. did.”

* Of course, age is just a number, but you can find a sex partner for yourself or your favorite age group, either alone or in a group. The most likely to be excluded from this particular subject is my age-based sex party.

** To attract a sex partner, one does not have to be as attractive as before. And people are as attractive as ever in every sense and can repel more people than they can attract.


Dear Dan: I am a 24-year-old heterosexual French man. (I’m sorry in English.) I love my girlfriend. Our relationship is deep and they listen, understand and take care of each other. Sex is great, really great. We try different things and try to satisfy common and other needs. Simply put, everything with her and our relationship is perfect. The only thing is that she wants our relationship to be monogamous, and I want to have sex with 75% of the girls I bump into. This is usually not a big deal. Because I’m not particularly attractive, there aren’t many girls who want to have sex with me. But during the four years we were together, I had some opportunities to say no. After kissing another girl, the next day I confessed this to my girlfriend. Now, whenever I find myself attracted to someone else, I immediately talk to my girlfriend. She doesn’t blame me for finding other women attractive or confessing that I’m flirting with other women, but she knows she feels sick about it .. If I have to choose, I always choose her, but I love to flirt. I’ve never had sex with someone else, so I want to see what it’s like to have sex with someone else. But at the same time, I don’t want to hurt her and I can’t control my instincts, so I feel like a child. How do people get out of this situation?

Escape sexual intercourse enthusiastically and relentlessly excited

Dear Desire: First … your English is much better than my (non-existent) French. You don’t have to be offended about it.

Second … If you want to feel sick about something, you feel sick about desire, jerk to your girlfriend. In other words, OH MY GOD, DUDE, SHUT THE FUCK UP. Whenever you have an impure idea about another woman, stop running to “confess” to your girlfriend. It’s just cruel to constantly and unnecessarily remind your girlfriend that you want to have sex with another woman. You don’t have to tell her because she knows it, desire. You are not honest, you are not transparent, You are a disliked person..this is Relationship, Desire, not an anonymous, passive monogamist meeting. (“Hello, my name is ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND. I’ve been monogamous for four years and I’m having a hard time every day.”) If you don’t want to have a monogamous relationship with this woman, one by one DESIRE if you are not monogamous Admission, which you are willing to pay, End this relationship.. But if it’s a price you’re willing to pay, desire, pay it, and stop sexual intercourse about it. If you can’t stop fucking about it-if you can’t keep these thoughts on yourself and / or find someone to confide about them (friends? Bartenders? Pompia?)- Your girlfriend notices that she is paying too much and throw away your ass.


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