Kansas City

Switched On – Kansas City, Missouri

Kansas City, Missouri 2021-05-06 11:27:56 –

Illustration by Jack Layback

Dear Dan: You said everyone is eligible for an “erotic zone of autonomy”. Do you think “zones” can cost thousands of dollars to “FinDom”? I’m a 33 year old heterosexual, I love my husband and have a wonderful (or thought) sex life. He was very dominant and bed dominant, I was very obedient and I thought we were sexually well matched. So when I came across evidence that he was sending money to a female sex worker who called himself FinDom, it was a shock for multiple reasons. This has been going on for nearly three years! From their message (I read them all) it is clear that they have never met in person (she clearly states that she will never meet her submarine in person). last month. The amount is small, but it will be totaled. We are more than comfortable, so the problem is not money. And my husband hasn’t complained about what I spend on personal trainers and my hair and body treatments (certainly a lot), but since he’s masturbating in these videos, This is clearly different. I really don’t want to corrupt him, and I obviously couldn’t control him financially because our finances are shared. My husband tells me he doesn’t want to fall, but did he still gladly pay a stranger to insult him? I do not know. I thought we had a great sexual connection. I also thought he knew who he was erotically. I’m confused and don’t know what to do.

Inevitably anxious and now questioning marriage

Dear FINDAMN: First of all: you really have a great sex life (from the sound of things), your husband obviously loves you (if this is your only problem), and he in the bag Domination is not an act, FINDAMN, that’s it It’s not just having control that turns him on. Sometimes he just wants to give up control. Maybe he should come to you to meet this need and couldn’t ask himself because of the fear of rejection, the fear of ruining your D / s dynamics. It may be. Or what has been degraded by you does not work for him.

Back up a little. You say it’s more than comfortable. FINDAMN is a filthy rich code that says “We have a lot of money”. So I’m against spending a lot of money in my marriage without my spouse’s knowledge, but I climb my limbs and I don’t think this is the money you missed. No mortgage payments were unpaid, vacations were canceled, and children were not expelled from private schools. Even if your husband sent this woman $ 9,999 in the last three years, this is the highest amount that keeps us in the “thousands” range, at $ 278 a month. I think the amount actually spent was much less than that, FINDAMN, and never affected your comfort. (But here we want to raise taxes on Joe Biden’s wealthy people!)

For the contradictions that your husband seems to dominate you and submit to this woman, it’s not too hard to explain what’s going on. You’ve probably never been to FINDAMN, a big gay leather / fetish event, but if you should, you’ll meet dozens of men who have both doms and subs. So the guy who saw you lacing and dragging around on the first night is tying and dragging someone else on the second night. Few people participate in power exchanges as 100% dominant or 100% obedient. One man can bring out the obedient side of a gay man and another can bring out his dominant side. Similarly, you appear to be pulling out the dominant side of your husband, but other women are pulling out his obedient side. So your husband is like a little switch. In his case, FINDAMN is mostly dominant, but he also enjoys being obedient. And just because you’re submitting to FinDom online once in a while doesn’t mean that when your husband controls you, it can be unreal about your husband.

If you don’t want to corrupt your husband, or if both your husband or you prefer to modify your role (this is common with metamorphosis switches), your husband is ready to maintain this connection 1. Online only , 2. Below the agreed amount, 3. If you are yourself (if you don’t want to hear) or share (if you want to hear), you’ll probably need to allow your husband an outlet. Again, you can spare money and your husband is doing nothing stupid. He does not allow this woman access to your savings account or write her will. He sometimes pays a little dominant time and attention to this woman. And what your husband did (basically bought some interactive porn) feels like an affair adjoining … I have to ask … you he Have you ever hired a personal trainer just because it was hot? Have you ever chosen a beautician because you liked to see him? Have you ever been in the way of getting a body treatment from a VGL male masseuse? And when you were masturbating or having sex with your husband, did you think of one or all of them? If you can identify a small zone of erotic autonomy that you have carved out for yourself, FINDAMN, allowing your husband to continue to enjoy the small zone of erotic autonomy that he has carved out for himself. May be a little easier.

Dear Dan: I’m a 27 year old gay man and I’m having a hard time. I have a relationship with a spectacular man. He is a 25 year old bisexual man. He is smart, funny, extroverted, has a lot of friends and a lot of ex-fuck buddies. We love it so much that neither of us has ever felt it. Five months have passed and there is nothing better than that, except for the fact that I have fatal anxiety.He has a lot of friends, he very Attractive and sexually he is perfect. He is the top who knows how to use his big penis and he has endless patience. I’m the opposite of all that: I have a few friends, I’m an average / ugly guy with an average / small dick, it’s not easy for me to get a solid erection, and that’s me It will take only a few minutes to come. I keep comparing myself to him. He’s perfect, he can have sex with anyone, and I’m ugly and sexually incompetent compared to him. These feelings are killing me.

I can’t be the right person

Dear ICBTRO: Apparently your boyfriend, who may have someone, chose you. That is, you are far more physically, emotionally, and socially attractive, ICBTRO, or your boyfriend overcomes the imbalance of power than you acknowledge your achievements. But if the latter is true, you’ll know if he’s manipulating you with his looks / dicks. You will be keenly aware of it, and if your boyfriend uses his appearance and his penis to do what you don’t want or put up with what no one should do , You said it in your letter patience. (If he told you what he liked, you would have included it, “You’ll never leave me because you can’t do better.”) So you’re much more attractive. I think — physically, emotionally, and socially-more than you noticed yourself.

Instead of worrying about whether this relationship will last forever (and most not), ICBTRO will enjoy the boyfriend you have now. Talk to your doctor about your penis ED medication and talk about reducing your low self-esteem. Because if something is trying to kill this relationship prematurely, it’s your anxiety. Your boyfriend may not want to be with you forever, ICBTRO, and you may not want to be with him forever. But if you want to be with him as much as possible, you have to grasp your anxiety. He can’t help you with them. And if you can’t help yourself, find ICBTRO, a therapist who can help you.


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