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The 30-year-old husband hid his income with the help of his mother. When faced, he said, “I’m a liar. I’ve been doing this for 10 years!”

My husband and I have been married for 30 years. I thought we were happy. Boy, I was ignorant. A few days ago, I learned that my husband had hidden money, ATM cards, savings accounts, and PO Boxes from me for 10 years.

Here’s how I found it: His mother was ill and had to reschedul a trip to California for him. I used his Gmail.
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I created an account so that I can access my flight information while I’m on the go. At that time, I learned that he was paying for a company I knew nothing about. I also found another email address he was using.

When I asked him about all these emails, he said: I’m a liar. I’ve been doing it for 10 years! If you want to get divorced, that’s fine. Do it. ”

He earned extra money from monthly fees and profit sharing from work, and earned extra money from recycling. He gave me only some of it and the rest lied. He was scammed by a business he thought would be money.

His mother blamed me

He asked my mother about hiding my money. She sent him money to open an account and advised on how to do it. There is no big surprise there. His mother blamed me for moving us out of state for over 20 years. I don’t like her This was another reason. You may have had to repay the invoice effortlessly and withdraw money from the heritage.

He said he was tired of work and was dissatisfied with me for 10 years. I was blown away. I was hurt and shocked. He brought up a debate that was settled long ago. I’m still shocked and have been thinking about everything in my head since he left for California and began to get angry.

He said he didn’t think he was worth $ 2,500 because he said I couldn’t have a scooter. What does that mean? I have a disability and can’t get a job to make money. I don’t know if I will continue to marry, but I want to protect my last inheritance and the two financial market accounts that are now in my name. Should I withdraw money from that account and deposit it in another bank that he doesn’t touch?

S stunned wife

Dear Stun,

Okay.

Your husband’s actions are clearly the result of years of horror and resentment. Not only does his mother’s involvement suggest that it encourages the harmful emotions of your husband, but the immaturity of a man who admits his behavior and refuses to grow, even if it is misguided. It also provides insights into the situation.

You face two issues when it comes to romance and finance. We encourage you to seek legal assistance from both parties. You need to know what is legally out of the reach of your husband and what you can do to protect it instead of divorce or legal separation. The heritage should be stored in a separate account, not the property of the community.

You have the time and space to act while your husband is away. Talk to your lawyer to decide what to do next. Protect your property and document all your husband’s financial secrets. The more paperwork you have, the easier it will be to get married, but if you make the final decision to do so.

I have at least three big questions. Want to build a relationship with an unreliable person? Is trust regained at a dating agency? And his reaction to facing these reports and his lack of remorse suggest that he even wants to be with him. Are you doing?

Lack of accountability

Yes, he’s been spending money for ten years without your knowledge, but he doesn’t seem to have taken sufficient obvious precautions to avoid being caught. (Apologize to Lis.) If you decide to apply for legal separation, he must provide these accounts fully. Given his overt lack of accountability so far, I don’t think he’s 100% true.

Surveys regularly conclude that people keep financial secrets to their partners (44% of respondents). One recent poll). Reasons include the desire to control one’s finances (obvious), shame on how to handle money, unwillingness to share (another obvious), addiction, and hiding money in case the relationship worsens. And so on.

However, secrets such as debt, credit cards, and fraudulent checking accounts are inferior to the relatively sophisticated operations that her husband has designed. The level of the plan reflects his misfortune about his marriage and his desire to sneak money for a rainy day. It’s more serious given that you have a disability and can’t work.

What does his comment that your husband isn’t even worth a $ 2,500 scooter mean? How does he see his bank balance and possessions as an extension of self-esteem and ego? Who knows who tried to self-justify? Does that mean that no one, including his wife, comes between him and his worthy bank balance?

Instead, ask yourself what you deserve. If you listen carefully, you will see the answer.

Want to read more? Follow Quentin Fottrell twitterRead more of his column here.

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The 30-year-old husband hid his income with the help of his mother. When faced, he said, “I’m a liar. I’ve been doing this for 10 years!”

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