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Why is my uncle so angry at the student debt forgiveness?

I recently graduated from college. I am also drowning in student debt. With my salary, there is no way to save money or think about buying an apartment while paying a lot with these loans. This will last for at least 15 years. The “pause” of the payment pandemic was a great relief. And I’m excited about the possibility that the new president will do something to forgive some of my student debt. But when I told my uncle about this, he got angry and took it very personally: “No one allowed my student loan!” I didn’t know how to answer. .. But now it’s awkward. Any advice?

JIL

Your uncle’s apparent dissatisfaction with the outlook for social progress seems strange. For example, when the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, I don’t remember that older members of the LGBTQ community expressed suffering that they didn’t enjoy the right to marry when they were young. No, we all celebrated the decision as a big step on the road to greater equality.

The same is true for student debt. The soaring costs of higher education have long acted as a barrier to scarce students, holding others in catastrophic debt. Black and Latin students are affected by disproportionately. And I hope that those who have personally experienced this difficulty will admire the student debt reform.

But your uncle is not the first person to hear me complain about it. Their view seems to be: “I suffered, why shouldn’t you?” But it’s not a compelling argument against a fairer access to education. .. It’s just a punishment. Tell him: “I’m sorry you struggled.” It may make things smoother among you. Then add (or just think) like this: “But I’m happy that others don’t have to suffer.” You don’t have to tell everyone what you believe.

credit…Christoph Niemann

I live in the Covid bubble with a man-in-law who helps me take care of my two toddlers. We are enthusiastic mask wearers. We live in cities (people over 2 years old) who need masks in all public places, including outdoors. At the playground, my father-in-law always reminds people without masks that they are breaking the rules. Recently, a family entered the playground, but no one was wearing a mask. My father-in-law told them they needed a mask and asked them to stay away from my daughter. I know he was right, but I felt uncomfortable. Shouldn’t we have left if their actions bothered us?

EL

Why should you leave? The rule is the rule: Masks in public places, including playgrounds. Well, let me backtrack right away. If your playground is not marked with a sign about the mask at the entrance, encourage your father-in-law to be calm at his request to the maskless. They may not know. (I decided to provide spare surgical masks to those who need them. So far, people don’t seem to hate this.)

Still, I read a news report that a dispute over Mask’s debate broke out, including the fatal case. We don’t want it in the playground. So, if you hear or feel ominous in your father-in-law’s interaction, get rid of your child and leave immediately. It’s safer than you regret, right?

A few years ago I met a woman in a church and clicked. (We were both pregnant.) We were friendly, but not intimate. After my baby was born, I traveled all over the country, focusing on new motherhood, new cities, and new jobs. My friend kept sending me texts mainly for check-in. But now she is (almost exclusively) sending screenshots of Christian believers and scriptures. I’m not interested in them. She sends 15 screenshots for each personal message. I don’t want to be rude, but it’s overwhelming. advice?

C.

I may be wrong, but I suspect your friend is sending the text of these screenshots to a large number of recipients at once. There is nothing rude about opting out. “I like to stay in touch with you. But I rather don’t want to receive devoted texts. Can you remove me from that list?” There is a relationship worth saving here If so, this doesn’t end it.

My neighbor is one of my best friends. When we had to expand the gas pipe to our house, we found it running under her driveway. She was nice about giving us permission to dig up her land. This morning I saw one of the gas company workers smoking a cigarette. I told him that my friend prefers no one to smoke on her property. I don’t know if this is true. I hate people who smoke in my house and I think she feels the same. The worker gave me a cold look, and my husband said I was malicious and had no business to say anything. Your thoughts?

Barbara

Well, you lied. This isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard, but I’m not going to applaud you. Next time, limit your request to activities taking place on your property. But when it comes to its value, I think gas companies will be frowned upon by employees smoking at work.


If you need help with a difficult situation, SocialQ@nytimes.com, Facebook Philip Galanes, or @SocialQPhilip On Twitter.



Why is my uncle so angry at the student debt forgiveness?

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