2020-10-18 01:51:56 –
Dear Abbey: My husband and I have been together since the age of 21, and he has always had a distant relationship with his parents. I advised him to call and visit during the first few years of marriage. I quit it after his mom, and I had some words of choice.
If he wants a relationship with them, it’s up to him. The problem is that she usually contacts me when she tries to send a phone call and text message without a response from him. We have two daughters, so you can share their appearance with her. My objection is that she sometimes asks me to send a message to her husband. I’m two working moms and I don’t have time to be the secretary of others. The icing on the cake came when she informed me that her 15-year-old dog had died and asked me to tell him. I told her when I could contact him, but instead of accepting my suggestion, she asked me again. I ended up telling him.
It wasn’t my responsibility to do that, and I’m frustrated with myself that she and his dad can’t be frank about how they need to contact their son. Any suggestions will help. — Find the spine in Pennsylvania
Dear Discovery: Courage may be needed, but the next time the mother-in-law tries to make you a messenger, what she wants will make you uncomfortable and she will send a text message to her son or Tell them that you need to give them information. Email. Then if she says she can’t contact him, point out that you don’t want to be in the middle anymore. Limit. And let your husband know what you did.
Does this love you for her? Absolutely not. However, the three individuals who need to heal the relationship between your husband’s parents and their son are not you.
Dear Abbey: My parents met when I was 14 years old. They got married at the age of 18, raised four boys and had an incredible marriage. When Mama was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, they did their best with Dad taking care of her. Sadly, my dad was diagnosed with end-stage lung cancer, so I moved in with me and I stopped taking care of them. Dad died three months later. Obviously, in addition to being confused about why Dad wasn’t there anymore, Mom was devastated.
My mom and I often took a walk in the neighborhood, especially in one house, commenting on the beautiful flowers in the garden and enjoying planting flowers with my dad every year. No matter how upset or upset she is, seeing her neighbor’s garden cheer her up and bring back nostalgic memories to her. Mom died a few years later.
I wrote a note to those who lived in a property I had never met, thanking them for how much joy the flowers brought to their mother and for brightening her last day. Abbey, I’m writing now to share that a little beauty can make a world of difference, even in the darkest times. — Arizona’s thank-you son
Dear Son of Gratitude: What you wrote is true. Music can have the same effect on patients with Alzheimer’s disease. My mother has had Alzheimer’s disease for many years. My brother and I provided her with the music of her time (Pearl Bailey, The Andrews Sisters, etc.) to help her spend time. Towards the end, singing to her from her youth brought her back to me for a precious moment, and it also created a world of difference. Thank you for taking your letter and me to the path of memories.
Dear Abbey, was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact DearAbby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.