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TikTok users show off what they are doing from 5am to 9am.Lay in bed if your dog will let you | Emma Beddington

worldIt wouldn’t surprise me to hear that there are others. tick tock Feeling sick microtrends. It’s called #my5to9 (4.6 million views), and it’s a two-headed beast that covers a 5-9am time slot before work and a 5-9pm schedule after work. A strenuous series of workouts, meal prepping, and household chores may seem tiring, but it’s healthy. I saw you making a bath, exfoliating and moisturizing.

Given that sleep is already hacked, smart ring to ice bath, we have reached a full 24-hour timetable of ambitious activities. This is what essayist Gia Tolentino saysalways optimize” way of thinking. When ticking towards death, we must use each second effectively. Why waste your money reading this? At least listen to him at 3x speed on the treadmill.

My five-to-nine, or both ends, is a shapeless tranche that fails optimization. It’s five o’clock in the morning and the old dog is lazily stumbling through the yard while the early shift is shivering by the back door. If I win the dog lottery, I’m stuck in bed as if it were pinned there by the winner of this year’s Fat Bear Week (Bare Force One, 1,400lb), take a shower and speak for yourself. Postwork shifts are blank stares and crisps. “Crunch has replaced all my emotions,” I recently messaged a close friend. “Crunch is an emotion,” she replied.

The saving grace of TikTok is that new trends are pushed back sharply, almost instantly. One #my5to9 video is just a woman lying face down in bed. Another denounces the genre as follows:Productivity run”. TikTok Marxist feminist @caitlyn chronicled his elegant two-part Structural criticism of #my5to9 simply as “maximizing your potential as both workers and consumers under capitalism”.

The next time you feel guilty, tell yourself during your off-duty hours that you are against the expansion of the capitalist economy.

Emma Beddington is a columnist for The Guardian

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/oct/17/people-on-tiktok-keep-boasting-about-what-they-do-from-5am-to-9am-i-just-lie-in-bed-if-the-dog-will-let-me TikTok users show off what they are doing from 5am to 9am.Lay in bed if your dog will let you | Emma Beddington

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